Apologies All Around

Sorry about the lack of updates this past week, got caught up with Grad School meetings and other stuff which kept me from my writing/editing duties.

Rest assured, the Recaps will go up this week, as planned, along with the Plays of the Week, both weeks of Power Rankings and an updated Players of the Week section.

Stay Classy.

Week 3 Picks

No spiel, no funny business, just the picks.

Winners in Bold:

Kansas City at Atlanta, 1:00 PM

Oakland at Buffalo, 1:00 PM

Tampa Bay at Chicago, 1:00 PM

Houston at Tennessee, 1:00 PM

Carolina at Minnesota, 1:00 PM

Miami at New England, 1:00 PM

Cincinnati at NY Giants, 1:00 PM

Arizona at Washington, 1:00 PM

Detroit at San Francisco, 4:05 PM

St. Louis at Seattle, 4:05 PM

New Orleans at Denver, 4:05 PM

Pittsburgh at Philadelphia, 4:15 PM

Jacksonville at Indianapolis, 4:15 PM

Cleveland at Baltimore, 4:15 PM

Dallas at Green Bay, 8:15 PM

Monday Night - NY Jets at San Diego, 8:30 PM

Last Week: 8-7
Season: 8-7

2008 NFL Power Rankings: Week 2

By: N-F-L Correspondent Darren Farinas

1. Dallas Cowboys (2-0-0, Last Ranking: 1) Tony Romo made a couple of mistakes against the Eagles but this is still the most complete team in the NFL. Assuming, of course, the defense plays better than it did Monday night.

2. Pittsburgh Steelers (2-0-0, Last Ranking: 3) The Steelers may have held on to a messy one in Cleveland but it’s clear this team is solid. The only question mark still looming over this team is if Big Ben’s shoulder problems are as bad as some people believe, which Mike Tomlin has vehemently denied.

3. Green Bay Packers (2-0-0, Last Ranking: 5) Can we leave Aaron Rodgers alone now? He dealt with a tough defense in Week 1 against Minnesota, and apparently hosted a clinic against the Detroit Lions, putting 21 points on the board eighteen minutes into the game.

4. New York Giants (2-0-0, Last Ranking: 4) Justin Tuck has been the anchor of this absurdly tough defense with Osi and Strahan gone; he already has three sacks and nine tackles on the year. On the offensive side of the ball, the team has been clicking on all cylinders and Eli looks like he is in mid-season form.

5. Philadelphia Eagles (1-1-0, Last Ranking: 6) Yes, they’re 1-1, but they lost to arguably the best team in football by four points. Donovan McNabb hasn’t looked nearly this good since the Eagles last made the Super Bowl. Are they really set for another run?

6. Tennessee Titans (2-0-0, Last Ranking: 9) Who needs a good quarterback? It doesn’t matter who this team has under center; they will simply beat whoever is on the other side of the ball to a bloody pulp and never look back. The Titans have been the best team in the AFC South this year and that statement should hold throughout the season.

7. Carolina Panthers (2-0-0, Last Ranking: 14) Nobody could have seen this coming. The Panthers have been outstanding so far this year, and Jake Delhomme has never thrown the ball the way he is this year. All the damage this team has caused… and it’s been without Steve Smith.

8. Buffalo Bills (2-0-0, Last Ranking: 8) The Bills are for real. Despite being a young team, Buffalo is looking good on offense with great performances from Trent Edwards (454 passing yards, 2 TDs) and Marshawn Lynch (135 rushing yards and 2 TDs).

9. Denver Broncos (2-0-0, Last Ranking: 7) I don’t know if Denver deserves to be this high, especially with the lucky break they got against the Chargers. But this offense is absurd, and Jay Cutler’s drawing comparisons to that other quarterback that used to play for this team . . . and I don't mean Jake Plummer.

10. New England Patriots (2-0-0, Last Ranking: 13) The Patriots held together nicely against the Jets without Tom Brady. Matt Cassel did a great job of managing the offense, and overall the team looks much more balanced. Now if every team could play the Pats as conservatively as the Jets did on Sunday, New England should have no problems this season.

11. San Diego Chargers (0-2-0, Last Ranking: 12) Nobody was expecting this team to start 0-2 this season but that just shows how volatile the NFL can be. If Sunday proved anything about the Chargers, it’s that this team is capable of playing at a very high level without LaDainian Tomlinson, who may struggle for the next few weeks with that toe injury.

12. Indianapolis Colts (1-1-0, Last Ranking: 11) The Colts are in some major trouble yet again. Despite that win on Sunday against the Vikes, Indy is looking at serious problems on defense now that Bob Sanders is out for six weeks with a high ankle sprain. On top of that, 80% of the Colts’ starting offensive line is injured. The Colts are going to be an interesting team to watch over the next few weeks.

13. New Orleans Saints (1-1-0, Last Ranking: 2) I may have been a bit premature to praise the Saints during my Week 1 Rankings. They lost a heartbreaker to Washington on Sunday but they’ll bounce back. That is, if Jeremy Shockey can be a great receiving target for Drew Brees like he was meant to be, especially with Marques Colston out until at least Week 6.

14. Washington Redskins (1-1-0, Last Ranking: 22) In the same breath, perhaps I was too hasty to write off Washington. The team had a rough outing against the Giants in Week 1 but absolutely tore the Saints up on offense, with Jason Campbell piling up 321 yards on 24 completions in 36 attempts and Clinton Portis rushing for nearly 100 yards and 2 TDs.

15. Chicago Bears (1-1-0, Last Ranking: 10) The Bears got beat by a good team on Sunday, plain and simple. Kyle Orton has at least been reliable thus far, but he won’t keep up his consistency under center all season.

16. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-1-0, Last Ranking: 16) The Brian Griese-led Bucs easily disposed of the Falcons but Jeff Garcia should be back at quarterback for this team before long. Garcia is a better QB than Griese and has chemistry with the offense already. Jon Gruden knows that Garcia can handle this offense and should not be holding a shaky relationship or one average game against him.

17. Minnesota Vikings (0-2-0, Last Ranking: 17) This team would be 1-1 (and around number 10 on this list) if Gus Frerotte had been leading the offense on Sunday. Now that a reliable option is under center in Minnesota, the Vikes should have the balance and consistency they need to be a playoff contender.

18. Arizona Cardinals (2-0-0, Last Ranking: 20) Kurt Warner better stay healthy because the Cards aren’t going to get anything close to this production from Matt Leinart. Warner is tossing the ball around like he did with the Rams many moons ago. The Cards could dominate the NFC West and end up with a much better record than I predicted last week, after all.

19. Cleveland Browns (0-2-0, Last Ranking: 18) The Browns are off to a rough start, but they faced the two best teams in the NFL in back-to-back opening weeks. They’ll go into the bye week with a 2-2 record, but come back in Week 6 to play the Giants. Things are looking grim for the Dawg Pound.

20. Jacksonville Jaguars (0-2-0, Last Ranking: 15) The Jags were an expected given for a playoff berth, but with their decimated offensive line, the Jags may just be lucky to be a .500 team this year. David Garrard… 3 interceptions through the first two games? Didn’t you have 3 interceptions ALL LAST SEASON?

21. New York Jets (1-1-0, Last Ranking: 19) The Jets have the pieces to make a playoff run but the biggest detriment to the team right now is coaching. Until the coaching staff mans up and stops coaching so conservatively, the head coach of this team is Eric Mangina. Grow a pair and I’ll take back that name.

22. San Francisco 49ers (1-1-0, Last Ranking: 28) The Niners are looking pretty good with J.T. O’Sullivan at quarterback. Granted, they played a depleted Seattle squad, but still, how often is San Francisco expected to win?

23. Seattle Seahawks (0-2-0, Last Ranking: 21) That Super Bowl window is gone. Things have fallen apart for this franchise in a matter of months. Things may change but the only way this team can win now is with great defense; Matt Hasselbeck has nothing to work with on the offense.

24. Baltimore Ravens (1-0-0, Last Ranking: 24) The Ravens had an unexpected break. Now comes a long, grueling stretch against Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Tennessee, and Indianapolis. I hope they didn’t get too high off of that win against the Bengals in Week 1.

25. Houston Texans (0-1-0, Last Ranking: 27) Things are only going to get worse for the Texans. Besides their stadium being badly damaged as a result of Hurricane Ike, they now have to go on the road against AFC South rivals Tennessee and Jacksonville before they head home to play against Indianapolis. An 0-4 record is not much of a stretch at this point.

26. Miami Dolphins (0-2-0, Last Ranking: 25) Chad Pennington is doing the best he can with a very young team but it still confuses me as to why the Dolphins put Chad Henne into the end of the game against Arizona. More confusing is why the team’s two-headed running attack, Ricky Williams and Ronnie Brown, cannot get any yardage. This offensive line is not THAT bad.

27. Atlanta Falcons (1-1-0, Last Ranking: 23) Welcome back to Earth, Matt Ryan and Michael Turner. The Falcons got a little dose of reality on Sunday against the Bucs; though I’m sure the team realized things wouldn’t be as easy as they were against the Lions.

28. Oakland Raiders (1-1-0, Last Ranking: 29) Darren McFadden is the great hope for the Raiders. The team was planning on phasing Justin Fargas out as McFadden started to get more carries, but with Fargas out with a groin injury, McFadden is likely the clear-cut starter.

29. Detroit Lions (0-2-0, Last Ranking: 31) The Lions should not be this horrible. The offense had a very nice rally against the Packers last week, but Jon Kitna’s high risks (i.e. back-to-back-to-back interceptions) quickly derailed any hope of the Lions starting out 1-1. Why do they keep putting practice squad players on defense during actual games? (My friend actually told me that is actually the Lions’ first-team defense. Could’ve fooled me….)

30. Kansas City Chiefs (0-2-0, Last Ranking: 26) The Chiefs are a mess at quarterback. Tyler Thigpen takes over this week for a team rife with young players. This week sees the Chiefs play the Falcons. Craptastic Game of the Week? Definitely.

31. Cincinnati Bengals (0-2-0, Last Ranking: 30) Carson Palmer has looked bad but the majority of it is not his fault. The Bengals are another team that a bad offensive line will sink an otherwise talented offense rather quickly. We know Cincinnati’s defense sucks but who would have thought this offense was going to start out the season with 17 points in two games?

32. St. Louis Rams (0-2-0, Last Ranking: 32) The Rams have scored 16 points and given up nearly 1,000 yards and 79 points in the first two weeks. It amazes me that this team made very few improvements in the places where they suffer the most: the offensive and defensive lines (Yes, I’m aware of Chris Long but that doesn’t make up for the other players on the D-line)

Life on the Wildside: Random Musings and the Best of Week 2 in the NFL

By: NFL Correspondent Chris Kubak

Back once again, all my foes and friends, to speak with you about another week that was in the National Football League. I could spend valuable words and time rambling at the beginning here, but I’m not going to. Instead, to the highlights!

San Francisco 49ers at Seattle Seahawks: Patrick Willis was born a Ramblin’ Man

There were times in this game where the 49ers looked miserable, but by the same turn, there were moments in this game where they looked outstanding. Perhaps the highlight of the game, outside of their eventual victory, was watching Patrick Willis ramble his way 85 yards for a touchdown on a deflected Matt Hasselbeck pass that just happened to end up in his hands.

No disrespect to Willis, but ramble is the word that fits this scenario like a glove. His cuts weren’t pretty and he certainly was far from being the fastest man out there. However, he managed to find the one channel on the field and he rode it all the way to the end zone. If there is one thing that the past two weeks have shown us, it’s that the Seahawks offense has absolutely no clue how to play defense. First Roscoe Parrish, then Patrick Willis. At least Roscoe was fast.

Philadelphia Eagles at Dallas Cowboys: Felix Jones threads the needle

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist, much less a fan of the game, to see a final score of 41-37 and understand that there was almost no defense played in this thing. There wasn’t…just a lot of fundamental and spectacular offensive wizardry, filled with your fair share of highlights, lowlights, and controversy. Nobody made a kickoff return look any easier then Felix Jones did on Monday night, and I’m talking about perhaps in the history of football.

You can argue that one with me if you like. Jones busts through one hole in the middle of the field and finds himself with only one guy to beat: Eagles kicker David Akers, who is a fine player but not much of a tackler. After that, it’s a footrace against Quintin Demps and Jones left no doubts as to who has the better kick. Granted, none of this would have been possible without Jones’ quickness a’ foot because that hole doesn’t remain open for long.

Did anybody notice who the fastest man on the field was for that play? It was Cowboys 2nd year player Isaiah Stanbeck (Washington) who galloped his way down the field and caught up enough to help block for Jones…if Jones needed it. He didn’t.

Indianapolis Colts at Minnesota Vikings: Gonzalez to Wayne cause the Vikings some Pain

Call it luck, call it fate, call it a touch of brashness or a lack of common sense. However you look at it, Anthony Gonzalez left no doubts in the minds of all those who saw the Colts-Vikings game that he can and will be an integral part of this Colts offense. Playing perhaps the best game of his professional career, Gonzalez provided the turning point in their maddening and surprising comeback victory over the horned-helmet warriors of the Great White North.

I’m sure The Commish will tell you that he expected no less out of the 2nd year receiver, since his alliances are firmly entrenched amongst the legions of Ohio State fans that grace this great land of ours. Just don’t mention the OSU-USC game to him…ever…seriously (he may eat your first born). Don’t look at me: I’m a UC Santa Cruz and UPenn fan. Go Banana Slugs and Quakers!

(The Commish's note: Eating the first born is much too cliché…maybe the second or the family dog, but definitely not the first born)

Back on point, the Colts needed a major momentum swing in order to even compete in this game and they got it from Gonzalez, who not only made a nice catch but made a very nice cut to bring the ball back towards midfield. Whether or not he really saw Reggie Wayne standing there or if he just recognized the colors on the jersey, he made the bold and somewhat incomprehensible decision to chuck up a lateral as he was being dragged down from behind. Eight times out of ten this play fails and Gonzalez is labeled the goat. It just happens to work this time, setting up Indy for the score and getting them back on track as well as helping to establish Gonzalez as a household name. It doesn’t matter that they didn’t score on the play; all that matters is that Gonzalez managed to pour figurative ice water down the pants of the Colts offense.

San Diego Chargers at Denver Broncos: Darren Sproles Part 1: Take the Express Lane

Whereas Felix Jones had the easy route to the end zone, Darren Sproles took the toll road and the Broncos almost made him pay. Ah but almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades, my friends. Barreling headfirst into a fevered Denver special teams, Sproles managed to evade man after man, tackle after tackle, until he looked around and saw that he was alone with 43 yards left to the end zone. I replayed the tape of this play about six times and that was the number of near tackles that Sproles managed to avoid en route.

San Diego Chargers at Denver Broncos: Darren Sproles Part 2: Go Speed Racer Go

All I can say is that Darren Sproles is a fast, fast man. 66 yards on a screen pass for six, on a play that was almost looked broken for a moment there. Despite all that would happen with the outcome of the game, Sproles rewarded the Chargers good faith in him when they opted not to resign Michael Turner in the off season. All I can say is that I wish I was that fast, but its not going to happen.

New York Giants at St. Louis Rams: Torry Holt thinks fast

Not much has gone the Rams way at all this year, as their two blowout losses this will testify. It’s not all their fault though; they’ve been playing hard and with heart. When you’re basically starting a backup offensive line who doesn’t give Marc Bulger any time to throw, the scoring is going to suffer. Combine that with a secondary that just isn’t any good and you’re in big trouble.

The highlight of their season to date came on about the only opportunity where Bulger had time and he took advantage of it, heaving one up towards the end zone. When it bounced off the hands of Giants S Kenny Phillips, most out there thought that the play was dead. Almost no one expected Torry Holt to reach out and grab it one-handed just before the ball hit the ground with the 210 pound safety on top of him. Holt is still a good receiver, if a bit forgotten over the past few years. Some would say that it’s just Torry being Torry. I say well done.

Oakland Raiders at Kansas City Chiefs: Bowe and Hall Play Hot Potato

Let’s face it, this game looked awful on paper but ultimately turned out to be a decent game to watch, at least for fans of one team. While Raiders nation rejoiced, Chiefs fans have just about nothing to cheer for. Sure, they have some quality players in guys like Tony Gonzalez but for the most part, this is a team that looks beat the minute they took the field. Their one highlight came on Dwayne Bowe’s spectacular juggled catch, where he bobbled the ball three times whilst fighting off DeAngelo Hall while both were in mid-flight. A fine play from a team where fine plays are going to be few and far between this year.

Other things to consider for this week, including the inception of our first weekly award:

The Slippin’ On Nuts Award

Last week this was awarded to the Raiders for all the troubles their secondary had against the Broncos’ Tony Scheffler. This week it goes to Lions CB Brian Kelly, whom Packers WR Greg Jennings made look absolutely foolish! I mean, it would be one thing if Kelly was a 1st or 2nd year player, but he’s in his 11th season! Just a little cut and Kelly was down for the count, a la shades of Gerald Ford. What Jennings did would be, in basketball terminology, referred to as "break his ankles." Well consider them broke.

Maurice Jones-Drew may or may not be evil

Did anybody see that one hit the Bills laid on Jones-Drew? The one where his helmet did a complete 180 while still on his head? Somebody please call a priest.

Best announcer quotes of the week

"How about Chris Chambers absolutely beating Champ Bailey like a rented mule!"
- After Chambers 1st TD against the Broncos

"If you’re going to come after the gray bear, you better make sure you get him!"
- Advice for defense on QB Kurt Warner

That’s all for this week. Happy Wednesday to all, even the rented mules.

Week 2 Recap - Limerick Style

Here's Round 2 of the yet-to-be-named Limerick game recaps. Since I'm not very clever with names, if you have one that you think would sound good, feel free to send it my way to NFLStrikesBack@gmail.com.

As always, you get what you pay for:

Sunday, September 14th, 2008

Tennessee 24, Cincinnati 7

Anyone feel like it’s 1996?
With a rejuvenated Kerry Collins in the mix
Chris Johnson made the Bengals look slow
And yes, they still really blow
I’m not sure this is something anyone can fix.

Green Bay 48, Detroit 25

Rodgers is winning Green Bay over more each down
As he kicked the Lions defense all over town
Kitna tried to bring it back
His D cut him no slack
and Matt Millen continues to look like a clown.

Oakland 23, Kansas City 8

Run DMC caught fire in Kansas City
As he ran through the Chiefs, showing no pity
Herm played to win the game
Lost just the same
And once again, came out looking shitty.

NY Giants 41, St. Louis 13

Someone needs to call 9-1-1
Cause the Giants are killing opponents for fun
The Rams couldn’t keep it tight
Didn’t even put up a fight
I think it’s time for Linehan to be done.

Indianapolis 18, Minnesota 15

The Vikings endure another heart-breaking defeat
This time at the "hands" of Vinatieri’s feet
AP, once again, ran All Day
But Jackson just couldn’t make the play
With him at Q, Minnesota won’t be able to compete.

(Commish's Note: Jackson out, Frerotte in. Did I call that or what?)

Washington 29, New Orleans 24

Campbell to Moss was prolific in the Redskins win
As they came out of the collective coma they were in
The Saints held a big lead
Should have won it indeed
But Portis and Co. sent the Saints faithful packin’

Carolina 20, Chicago 17

The first half again was the Matt Forte show
Boy, did he make the Bears offense really go
But the Cardiac Cats kept it real
And in the end, closed the deal
For their second victory in a row.

Buffalo 20, Jacksonville 16

Rookie James Hardy’s touchdown gave Buffalo the lead
As Jacksonville struggled to play at full speed
Jax did nothing well
And only time will tell
If injuries will allow the Jaguars to succeed.

San Francisco 33, Seattle 30

The Luck of the Irish fell San Fran's way
as JT O'Sully had a career-yardage day
Nedney missed one to seal it
but eventually did steal it
as Seattle was left in dismay.

Tampa Bay 24, Atlanta 9

Turner was brought back to Earth this week
as the Bucs left Atlanta beaten and meek
Graham torched their poor D
while journeyman Griese
sent Atlanta home looking bleak.

New England 19, NY Jets 10

For another week, it looks like Brady wasn't missed
Cassel wins again, despite being dissed
Favre was mortal against the Hood
the Jets' play wasn't good
and those who drafted Moss should be pissed.

Arizona 31, Miami 10

Boldin was golden as he found paydirt thrice
and Warner was money while Fitzy was nice
Miami looked bad,
the Tuna is sad
as his 'Phins start the season losing twice.

Denver 39, San Diego 38

Defense was optional for these divisional foes
as Cutler and Rivers completed dozens of throws
But a blown call was made,
causing the Charger's D to fade
and the Broncs join the other 2 and 0's

Pittsburgh 10, Cleveland 6

Hurricane Ike wreaked havoc Sunday night
As points were scarce in this rain-laden fight
All it took was Big Ben
finding Hines Ward again
to set Cleveland's hopes and dreams alight.

Monday, September 15th, 2008

Romo was firing all over the field
McNabb responded as the Birds wouldn't yield
The Eagles played tough
but a dump pass on 4th wasn't enough
as the Cowboys victory was sealed.

This Week's picks: 8-7
Season: 8-7 (No Week 1 picks)

Come back later this week for the updated Power Rankings, Fantasy Players of the Week and Plays of the Week.

Stay Classy.

Week 1 “Skill Position” Power Rankings

By N-F-L Correspondent Pat Lavery

Hello everyone! This is my first post for the site, chronicling the weekly exploits of the No-Fun-League. I will be doing weekly power rankings for the site.

However, they aren’t power rankings in your traditional team sense; rather, they are skill position rankings – pooling together the combined top 10 quarterbacks, running backs, wide receivers, and tight ends (and in extreme cases, the kickers) who put up big yardage and/or scoring numbers every week. So without further ado, let’s get right to Week 1’s placings:

1. Michael Turner, RB, Atlanta

Old face, new place. In his first game as a Falcon after four solid (and underrated) years as LaDainian Tomlinson’s backup in San Diego, Turner ended up outplaying LT (21 carries for 97 yards and no touchdowns in a 26-24 loss to Carolina) by running for two scores – one of them a 66-yard scamper – and setting an Atlanta rushing record with 220 yards on the ground.

And by the way, setting any kind of record usually puts you towards the top of the list in my book. Yet the most astonishing part of Turner’s amazing debut was his efficiency. You saw that LT carried 21 times on Sunday? Well, Turner turned out his day in a tidy 22 carries…that’s right, an average of TEN YARDS per rush. Not only did he rush for 82 more yards than the next-best running back this week (see Willie Parker, below), but he out-rushed every other team except one (the Ravens, who combined for 229 yards). And, for all of you who care about more than just the stats, Turner’s big day helped ease the load on rookie QB Matt Ryan (9-13, 161 yards and a touchdown) as the Falcons beat up on the Lions, 34-21.

2. Eddie Royal, WR, Denver

New face, new place. Royal’s huge game, played in front of a national television audience at a hostile location (the Black Hole), didn’t exactly make him a household name overnight but it’s the best pro debut I’ve seen from an NFL player in quite some time. The rookie pulled in nine catches for a ridiculous 146 yards, adding a touchdown grab in Denver’s 41-14 embarrassment of Oakland. Fantasy owners, take note: Royal might not have been on your radar before Monday night’s game but he should be now. The second-round pick is Virginia Tech’s all-time leader in all-purpose yards, and while he probably won’t this week due to Brandon Marshall’s suspension, he could in the very near future – especially when you take into consideration that newcomer Darrell Jackson has been in decline, both in productivity and health, for much of the past three years.

Side note: More than half of Broncos QB Jay Cutler’s completions and almost exactly half of his passing yardage for the night went to Royal, an indicator that the two have found a rhythm and familiarity that could continue to grow in the coming weeks.

3. Donovan McNabb, Philadelphia

Old face, old place. After rumors swirled around McNabb for months about his future with the Eagles (and honestly, doesn’t it seem like these same rumors have been recycled for about three years now?), he showed why he has been so valuable to the Eagles after nine seasons. Finally healthy at the start of a season for the first time in what seems like forever, McNabb showed some real leadership on the field. He made a receiving corps sans Kevin Curtis and Reggie Brown seem like the former nickname for his opponents on Sunday, the now-hapless Rams’ Greatest Show on Turf. McNabb tore apart the Rams’ defense in the Eagles’ 38-3 victory, completing 21 of 33 passes for 361 yards – the best passing game of the week, yardage-wise – and three touchdowns, including a 90-yard strike to WR Hank Baskett.

Don’t get this McNabb confused with the McNabb of old, the scrambler who has accrued nearly 3,000 rushing yards in his career and who rushed for more than 300 yards in each of his first five seasons. This McNabb isn’t that mobile. But if he stays healthy, he’ll show this year that among all the “rushing quarterbacks” who ever played the game, he deserves to be mentioned right up there with Steve Young as the best pocket passers to fit that description.

4. Willie Parker, RB, Pittsburgh

Parker, who would have cracked the top three if not for Michael Turner’s phenomenal performance, nonetheless completes the top offensive foursome for this week: Turner, the leading rusher; Royal, the leading receiver; McNabb, the leading passer; and Parker, the leading scorer. The Steelers star ran for three touchdowns and 138 yards, averaging five-and-a-half yards per carry on his 25 touches. A skilled pass-catcher, Parker didn’t see a throw come his way in Pittsburgh’s 38-17 win over Houston, but he turned out to be the 2nd-leading rusher of the week and, out of the top four players on this week’s list, might be the most dependable over the course of the season. Expect him to appear consistently on this list in the coming weeks.

5. Matt Forte, RB, Chicago

In a game that no one saw coming (the Bears’ 29-13 spoiling of Indianapolis’s new stadium christening), the running back that few saw coming stole the show. Drafted in the second round out of Tulane back in April (and once intended to be the third-string running back), Forte stepped into the starting lineup on Sunday night and delivered in a big way: 23 carries for 123 yards (a 5.3 yard average) and a 50-yard touchdown run. He also showed pretty good hands out of the backfield, leading the evenly-spread Bears’ receivers with three catches on the night. Now, whether he can keep it up next week against Carolina remains to be seen, but it’s enough for this week that he’s the second rookie in my top five.

6. Reggie Bush, RB, New Orleans

Now, before you make an argument that Plaxico Burress, Brandon Jacobs, Randy Moss, or Bush’s teammate Drew Brees should be in this spot, consider two factors: one, Bush’s performance on Sunday confirmed (if only for one week) my belief that he was going to be a fantasy sleeper this year, and justified (again, only for this week) my way-too-early selection of him in my league’s draft; and two, that he scored a touchdown and did not turn the ball over in the Saints’ 24-20 win over the Buccaneers. None of the other players I mentioned can claim both accomplishments this week. Bush only rushed for 51 yards on 14 carries, but he led the team in receiving, picked up 163 total yards, and his 42-yard catch-and-run for a touchdown in the fourth quarter, one of the highlight-reel plays of the week, almost warrants his inclusion on this list by itself.

7. Randy Moss, WR, New England

He’s still the best receiver in the league, and made the most out of the least opportunity this week in the Patriots’ 17-10 victory over the Chiefs: 6 catches for 116 yards (which ranked 3rd for Week 1), including one 51-yard reception and a touchdown. But he did turn the ball over once by fumbling (the play in which Tom Brady was injured), and his continued appearance on this list hinges, as does everything else about the rest of the Patriots’ season, on the right arm of Matt Cassel.

When all was said and done, though, he had the highest yards per catch average of any receiver with at least 6 catches this week, and moved up several career leader boards: he is now 13th all-time in receiving yards, 4th in touchdown receptions, 8th in total touchdowns, and his 56th career 100-yard game puts him 3rd all-time among receivers. And as I said, records count on this list. You could make a case for the Texans’ Andre Johnson in this slot (and many people would, with 10 catches for 112 yards, including 8 receptions for first downs), but now with Brady gone…as Moss goes, so go the Patriots.

8. Tony Romo, QB, Dallas

Romo beats out Drew Brees of the Saints and Jay Cutler of the Broncos, who both looked great, for the 8th spot here mainly because New Orleans and Denver already have other representatives (who were perhaps more crucial to their teams’ wins) on the list. While Romo’s vital signs might have been a wash – one touchdown and one interception – he had an extremely accurate day, completing 75% of his passes (24-for-32) for 320 yards, 3rd behind McNabb and Brees, as well as spreading the ball around to seven different receivers. He’s a lock to show up on this list a few more times before the season is over.

Plus, ESPN.com Page 2 writer DJ Gallo wrote a classic bit about Romo and his celebrity girlfriend/airhead, Jessica Simpson, in his weekend recap. I won’t rehash it here, but suffice it to say the joke involves buffalo wing sauce. “Tony Roma’s” was once a restaurant chain specializing in barbecue ribs. Coincidence? I think not.

9. John Kasay, K, Carolina

You won’t often see kickers on this list, but aside from Reggie Bush, Kasay had the most clutch performance of any point-scorer on this list this weekend. The Panthers needed every one of their 26 points to stun the Chargers, and Kasay provided 14 of those points, registering a perfect 6-for-6 on the day in kick scoring, and recording field goals of 30, 33, 44, and 49 yards. That’s it. He’s a kicker. There’s not that much more to say.

10. Plaxico Burress, WR, and Brandon Jacobs, RB, New York Giants

The Giants duo gets a joint entry at the end of the list because both of them had a solid, but not statistically spectacular, day at the office on Thursday night against Washington. Had Eli Manning not played simply mediocre in the second half (8-14, 75 yards, 1 interception, 2 sacks), the Giants might have put up more than 16 points, most likely scored by either Burress, Jacobs, or both, and the two would be higher on this list and probably separated. Still, Manning and Burress showed the best chemistry of any quarterback/receiver combo this week not named Cutler and Royal, as Burress tied for the league lead with 10 catches for a 2nd-best 133 yards.

Jacobs had a representative game, breaking tackles and running over Redskins defenders to total 21 carries for 116 yards, 4th among rushers this week (you’ve already read about the other three). Yet considering the explosiveness of all the other players’ performances on this list, the longest single play either Burress or Jacobs registered all night was 30 yards, and neither got into the end zone despite accounting for 249 combined yards of the Giants’ offense. All in all, expect both of them to return to this list – and place higher – several more times before this season is done.

Honorable Mention:

at QB – Brees, NO; Cutler, DEN; Philip Rivers, SD

at RB – Adrian Peterson, MIN; Tomlinson, SD; Frank Gore, SF

at WR/TE – Johnson, HOU; Baskett, DeSean Jackson and Greg Lewis, PHI.

Random Week 2 Thoughts and Picks:

Sunday, September 14th, 2008

Tennessee at Cincinnati, 1:00 PM, CBS

What started out as an intriguing matchup has quickly dissipated into a crapfest of epic proportions. Cincinnati's horrendous loss to Baltimore, combined with Vince Young going AWOL in search of confidence and his mommy, have severely crippled the appeal of this game. The game will still have Ocho Cinco and Who's-Your-Momma but the Tennessee D, which was one of the more impressive last week, should make them non-existant. This is not for the feint at heart,
watch with caution.

The Commish's Pick: Tennessee

Green Bay at Detroit, 1:00 PM, Fox

It's amazing how, in the span of one week, Aaron Rodgers has become the incarnation of Joe Montana, Dan Marino and Jesus combined. Okay, maybe that's going a little overboard but the coverage of Rodgers (and this team) has gone from intrigue/curiosity to downright fawning and sloppy admiration. I, for one, am not a big fan of PDA and find this to be a little embarrassing on the part of the National media. Expect more of it as they take on the Detroit Lions, who resembled mere pylons and traffic cones last week. This one could get ugly. Fast.

The Commish's Pick: Green Bay (by a lot)

Oakland at Kansas City, 1:00 PM, CBS

One word: Yuck. Avoid at all costs.

The Commish's Pick: Kansas City (by process of elimination)

NY Giants at St. Louis, 1:00 PM, Fox

Talk about polar opposites. The Giants, while stagnant on offense after a blistering first drive, dominated a hapless, hopeless Washington team last week. Plaxico Burress roamed the Skins' secondary like he owned the place and Jacobs, well, committed at least two acts of attempted vehicular homicide on LaRon Landry. This shouldn't change against a Rams team who wouldn't be able to compete in Division III at this point, let alone the NFL.

The Commish's Pick: New York

Indianapolis at Minnesota, 1:00 PM, CBS

How ordinary did Peyton Manning look last week against Chicago. Granted, he's coming off of knee surgery and he did lose Dallas Clark in the first quarter. Still, you're home in your new stadium and you have a sub-.500 squad coming in who've been mired in offensive mediocrity for a season plus. Shame on Indy. As for Minny, well, tough break against the Pack, who tried real hard to throw the game away last week. If Travaris Jackson can successfully remove his head from his backside for Sunday's game, this should be a good one.

The Commish's Pick: Minnesota (pending Jackson's successful colonoscopy)

New Orleans at Washington, 1:00 PM, Fox

New Orleans is coming off a great win last week against Tampa Bay but suffered an even greater loss when star wideout Marques Colston was told he would be on the sidelines for a month plus. This game will be about two things: Whether Henderson/Patten/Shockey can pick up the slack lost from Colston and whether Springs can turn the Skins secondary into something more than a backup High School unit. I'm gonna go with the first one.

The Commish's Pick: New Orleans

Chicago at Carolina, 1:00 PM, Fox

If you would have told me two weeks ago that this would be one of the marquee games between two undefeated teams, I would have laughed in your face. Heartily. However, I would be eating my words and for good reason. Carolina, through the luck of all things holy, squeaked out a last second win against a poor San Diego side while Chicago surprised the Colts at home on the legs of rookie RB Matt Forte and a rejuvenated D. Carolina will struggle without Steve Smith and Chicago should escape with a win.

The Commish's Pick: Chicago (barely)

Buffalo at Jacksonville, 1:00 PM, CBS

One team looked great. The other looked terrible. This was expected. What wasn't expected is that Buffalo was the great one and Jacksonville was the terrible one. Buffalo whipped up on a crippled Seattle side, using Special Teams to force the Seahawks into submission. Jacksonville, meanwhile, couldn't run through pillow-covered hallways last week, let alone a tough Titans defense. 33 total yards rushing isn't going to get it down. Jax will get more, but it won't be enough. This Bills team is good. Real good.

The Commish's Pick: Buffalo

San Francisco at Seattle, 4:05 PM, Fox

If two injury-riddled, crappy West Coast teams play a 4 o'clock game in the Pacific Northwest and no one watches, did it really happen? This is the question many people will ask themselves when the highlight (singular, maybe) finds its way on Sportscenter late Sunday night. I'm a Niners fan and I couldn't care less about this game.

The Commish's Pick: San Francisco (Not like it matters)

Atlanta at Tampa Bay, 4:05 PM, Fox

I still want to know where the hell Michael Turner came from. I know he came from San Diego and that he said he would be a great running back if given a shot. Still, 220 yards in a first game, regardless of who it was against, is awfully impressive (yes, even against the Lions). This game would have been a lot better if Garcia was playing for Tampa, but it looks like Brian "I got released by Chicago" Griese will get the start. You could flip a coin 100 times and not get this right. Don't expect a great game.

The Commish's Pick: Atlanta

New England at NY Jets, 4:15 PM, CBS

What should have been Brady v. Favre Pt. 1 was not meant to be. Brady's knee is resembling the shredded cheese on the top of nachos and the Pats came crashing back to Earth in the span of 10 minutes. Favre and the Jets struggled (YES, STUGGLED. I don't care what anyone says, they were LUCKY to beat Miami last week) but came out with the win nevertheless. This will be a good game, but not as good as it could have been. I look forward to another awkward man-hug between Belichick and Mangini, it could be the best part of this game.

The Commish's Pick: NY Jets

Miami at Arizona, 4:15 PM, CBS

A lot of people have been making the same assessment I made earlier this week: Arizona could win the NFC West at 7-9. Arizona didn't win last week, San Fran lost it on the back of five extremely costly turnovers. Still, someone had to win and the Cardinals took advantage. This could turn out to be a mildly entertaining game with Penny and the Phins vs. Old Man Warner and the Cards. I wouldn't count on it though, much better not to so you aren't let down.

The Commish's Pick: Arizona

San Diego at Denver, 4:15 PM, CBS

I don't think any team last week (not even Jacksonville, Seattle or Washington) disappointed as much as San Diego did. They had every opportunity to step on Carolina's throat and refused to do so. They have no aggression and no heart, which is only compounded on now that Merriman is out for the season. People said that Turner had finally overcome his demons last year but I beg to differ. He's not a good coach and with all the talent he has, it's only gonna look worse when Denver ends up winning the AFC West. This will be a good gauge on just how far Denver has to go to do that. Cutler looked dynamic and Eddie Royal may be the find of the 2008 Draft. Regardless of last week, this will be a good game. Guaranteed or your money back.

The Commish's Pick: Denver

Pittsburgh at Cleveland, 8:15 PM, NBC

Pittsburgh looked really good. Cleveland looked overwhelmed. Expect Pittsburgh to light Cleveland up like a Christmas tree while Romeo Crennel does his best to look catatonic on National Television.

FYI: For all of you who care about these things, this is the first time in the 2008 season that two
African-American coaches will play on national television. Just thought you should know.

The Commish's Pick: Pittsburgh

Monday, September 15th, 2008

Baltimore at Houston, 8:30 PM, CBS

Joe Flacco! Matt Schaub! It's the NFL on CBS!

All jokes aside, this could end up being a really good matchup, pending Houston's recovery from getting dropped like Intro to Philosophy by Pittsburgh last week.

And somewhere, Joe Flacco is still meandering his way through Cincinnati's defense towards the end zone.

The Commish's Pick: Houston

Philadelphia at Dallas, 8:30 PM, ESPN

Donovan Mcnabb, Tony Romo, Marion Barber, Brian Westbrook, Terrell Owens, DeSean Jackson, the names just go on and on.

You don't need me to tell you that this is the game of the week, by far.

Just get yo' popcorn ready.

The Commish's Pick: Philadelphia

2008 NFL Power Rankings: Week 1

By N-F-L Correspondent Darren Farinas

1. Dallas Cowboys – Undoubtedly the most loaded/talented team in football. Whether or not the coaching staff can put everything together is another story, but so far, this team is REALLY living up to expectations.

2. New Orleans Saints – The Saints are definitely back this season. With so many weapons on offense and Reggie Bush apparently back in action after a sophomore slump, there is no reason that this team cannot take the NFC South.

3. Pittsburgh Steelers – Who saw this coming? Willie Parker was a total monster against the Texans, running for 138 yards and three touchdowns. With Brady out for the season, the Steelers could quickly become the favorites of the AFC.

4. New York Giants – The Giants did the Redskins dirty in the same way they will all season: with defense. This is a tough, hard-playing and DURABLE team; the Giants have a good backup at nearly every position on the field. Expect them to play tough from the beginning to the end of the season.

5. Green Bay Packers – Aaron Rodgers clearly picked up a few tricks of the trade from watching Brett Favre play ahead of him all these years. He put up good numbers against a TOUGH defense. The Pack will be in the playoff hunt this entire season, make no mistake about that.

6. Philadelphia Eagles – McNabb may have had a magnificent game, but keep in mind that they played the Rams, which is nothing special. Regardless, the Eagles may finally have a star wideout in DeSean Jackson that they haven’t had since trading T.O. to the Cowboys. A lot of “experts” made a big deal out of the Birds at the start of the season, and they could very well be right.

(Editor's Note: As an avid Eagles fan and reader of the site pointed out, T.O. was, in fact, released by the Eagles and signed with the "Cowgirls". Good lookin' out, won't happen again.)

7. Denver Broncos – Talk about a statement game. Jay Cutler is back for the 2008 season in full force after his diabetes situation in the offseason. Rookie Eddie Royal has given this explosive offense an even deeper roster. The Broncos could easily (and surprisingly) give the Chargers a run for the AFC West.

8. Buffalo Bills – This team has been poised to win. We could all see it a year ago when Trent Edwards and Marshawn Lynch were leading the offense as rookies. More experience and more talent, along with the best special teams in the league, will allow the Bills to make a run at their division.

9. Tennessee Titans – If you need proof that a team can win without a good quarterback, look at the Titans. Rookie RB Chris Johnson WILL lead this team’s offense back to the playoffs, and they’ll more than likely make a push for the Super Bowl if this keeps up.

10. Chicago Bears – A friend of mine said Matt Forte wouldn’t be any good. I’ve never heard a worse prediction in my life. If the Bears make a run at the NFC North they’re going to do it their old-fashioned way: with a good running back and with defense. Sounds like the Bears of old, doesn’t it?

11. Indianapolis Colts – Are we sure we were watching THE Indianapolis Colts on Sunday night? There’s no way they keep this up all season. Peyton Manning will find his rhythm, and the Colts will be back to their usual selves within the next couple of games.

12. San Diego Chargers – Did they really lose at home to the Panthers? Talk about an upset special. With Shawne Merriman out for the season and the shock of a loss to Carolina lingering, expect things to get worse for the Chargers before they get better, especially with the impressive Denver Broncos staring them in the face for Week 2. However, this team is too talented to not bounce back from the loss of one game and one player.

13. New England Patriots – Never before has the NFL seen a team go from a Super Bowl contender to a question mark as quickly as the Patriots (i.e. 6 minutes into the first quarter of the regular season). But Brady replaced a great quarterback in 2001 when he led the Pats to the Super Bowl; could Cassel do the same? We’ll see what happens when a quarterback who hasn’t STARTED a game since high school takes the field against the Jets on Sunday.

14. Carolina Panthers – This team couldn’t be a bigger question mark. Jake Delhomme was excellent, but was his team’s miraculous win over the Chargers on the last play of the game a good sign of the direction this team will be going in, or just a fluke?

15. Jacksonville Jaguars – What goes for the Colts also goes for the Jags, at least this week. The Jags played a Titans team that plays their division rivals hard every time they come face to face. Considering the emotional trauma Jacksonville has faced with the Richard Collier dilemma in the last week, they, too, will bounce back and return to their old selves soon enough.

16. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – The Bucs played a hard game against a high-powered offense in the Saints. Will they bounce back? Who knows? At least for next week it depends on the health of quarterback Jeff Garcia, who the offense will need to be able to compete for the division title.

17. Minnesota Vikings – If not for a special teams slipup in the 2nd half, the Vikings could have potentially beat Green Bay on Monday night. If Tavaris Jackson can play for the Vikings this season the way David Garrard did for the Jags last year, this team will make the playoffs with ease.

18. Cleveland Browns – The Browns may have played arguably the best team in the NFL on Sunday, but their offense looked completely out of touch. If this offense isn’t rolling in the next three weeks then Derek Anderson is going to be looked at as a one-year wonder. Brady Quinn is lying in wait…

19. New York Jets – Let’s be honest with ourselves; while most people WANT Favre to do well, he REALLY had an average (by his standards) game against a team that, last year, went 1-15. Gang Green has a lot more to prove before we can call them a serious playoff contender.

20. Arizona Cardinals – the Cards put up a good effort against a clearly weak 49ers team. Fortunately for them, the entire NFC West is weak. It’s sad but Arizona could potentially win their division with as low as a 7-9 record.

21. Seattle Seahawks – Hey Holmgren, don’t you think retirement was a better option? After a 34-10 romp on your team at Buffalo, you’re probably regretting your decision.

22. Washington Redskins – They couldn’t have looked more lost. However, we saw the Giants struggle with a coaching transition (Steve Spagnuolo) last season, and look where they ended up. The Redskins could possibly do the same.

23. Atlanta Falcons – Matt Ryan had a great debut as the successor to Michael Vick and Michael Turner has already broken the rushing record for the Falcons. But does it really matter when they beat a Detroit Lions team that is likely to be 4-12 or worse this season?

24. Baltimore Ravens – The Ravens may have won their home opener with two rookies leading the offense (Joe Flacco and Ray Rice), but the Bengals barely put up a fight. Flacco had a good start to the season, but he won’t get away with a 38 yard rushing touchdown ever again.

25. Miami Dolphins – The Dolphins won’t make the playoffs this year, but they’re looking better just with Chad Pennington as their quarterback. This team will develop throughout the season, especially with Coach Pennington on the field to correct the young team’s every play.

26. Kansas City Chiefs – The Chiefs likely make their biggest impact of the season by bashing Tom Brady’s knee. It’s a shame that future Hall-of-Fame TE Tony Gonzalez is on such a poorly constructed team. But it’s not as if the Chiefs were expected to do anything this season; with over a dozen draft selections back in April, they are clearly focused on rebuilding their entire team for the long-term.

27. Houston Texans – They’re poised to continue to be the bottom-feeders of their division once again this season. With a poor defense (besides Mario Williams and DeMeco Ryans) and a lack of a running game, the Texans are a one-dimensional team in a division that is too deep to give them an opportunity at a playoff chance. Don’t even look at the fact that they scored 17 points on the stalwart Steelers D; only 3 of them came before the 4th quarter, when Pittsburgh was already up 35-3 (a.k.a. garbage time).

28. San Francisco 49ers – J.T. O’Sullivan may be the best option the 49ers have at quarterback, but that’s not really saying much. With the exception of Frank Gore, this team is a mess. They’re going to need to revamp from top to bottom or they’ll be the Dolphins of the NFL in two years.

29. Oakland Raiders – This was not the debut that JaMarcus Russell and Darren McFadden had in mind. It seems as though the Raiders are looking at yet another year of horrendous football. Things won’t get better until Al Davis sells this franchise and let’s someone with half a brain take over and salvage it.

30. Cincinnati Bengals – The Bengals were expected to win against the Ravens. What do they deliver? 99 passing yards and an interception from Carson Palmer? 65 yards on the ground? Besides a completely inept offense, the defense played as it always has: like crap. Ocho Cinco should have been persistent on pushing for that trade, since anywhere BUT Cincy would have been a better option.

31. Detroit Lions – The perennial bottom-feeders of the NFC North will definitely remain there this year. I don’t care who is playing who; NO TEAM should be down 21-0 after the FIRST QUARTER.

32. St. Louis Rams – Speaking of being the Dolphins of the NFL, the Rams are looking to be the bottom feeders of the entire league NOW. I can hear it already: “For the first pick of the 2009 NFL Draft, the Saint Louis Rams select….”

Life on the Wildside: The Best of Week 1 in the NFL

By N-F-L Correspondent Chris Kubak

Alright folks, so it’s the middle of the week and you’ve got to suffer through three more days of work before the weekend and another set of gridiron clashes. Maybe you’re sitting at work, bummed about the fact that you didn’t get to see all the games you wanted to see. Well fear not, because I’m here to summarize in ten minutes or less the best and most interesting the No-Fun League had to offer this past weekend. But enough talk, lets move on to…well to more talk…about football…yeah…

New York Jets at Miami Dolphins: Favre the Faker

Being a long time Jet fan, I’ve grown fairly accustomed to the play action fake. That was a move that Chad Pennington would do fairly often and one that he was quite good at. But this was something else. Rarely am I fooled by this sort of thing, but this one fooled me, fooled all but one Miami Dolphin and almost fooled the cameraman filming the play. Where the hell were the Dolphin corners on the play? They were busy watching Thomas Jones pretending to hold a football while staking Jerricho Cotchery to a Usain Bolt 200m type lead. Oops.

It wasn’t the most spectacular play of the week, but it was just the way the Jets wanted and needed to start their season.

Seattle Seahawks at Buffalo Bills: Ridin’ the Roscoe P. Cool-Train

Before I start on this one, I know my titles are bad, but that’s part of the fun of it.

Roscoe Parrish returns a Seattle punt 63 yards for the score. Sounds ordinary (or at least as ordinary as a punt return TD can be) right? Now there are three possible reasons as to why this play took place:

1) Roscoe Parrish is a helluva return man.
2) The Bills have some great blockers on special teams
3) The Seahawks special team players suck.

I think that it’s an amalgam of the three. After all, you have to be quick on your feet to make the kind of cuts that Parrish did and you had to be as fast as him in order to find that GAPING 25 YARD ALLEY that he used to get from the Buffalo 45 down to the Seattle 30. But then again, maybe that wouldn’t be there if his blockers don’t come through for him. Also, there is not much excuse for 5 MISSED TACKLES ON ONE PLAY. Seattle’s special teams need to invest in some glue. Even Hot Hands from the movie Little Giants could have held onto Roscoe on this one.

Minnesota Vikings at Green Bay Packers: Run Blackmon Run

Here’s another punt return for a touchdown and in impressive fashion just like Parrish. Wil Blackmon does a tremendous job staying in-bounds before he cuts back across the field for the score. He should’ve taken his blockers all out for Sonic after the game. This is another example of what a great return, combined with the utter and dismal failure of special teams, can result in. Between that and Aaron Rodgers, some fans are probably starting to forget Brett Favre.

No I’m just kidding. Ain’t nobody forgotten…yet.

Seattle at Buffalo: Brian to Ryan, Mike Holmgren’s Dyin’ (on the inside)

Here’s another one from Ralph Wilson Stadium. Brian Moorman is one of the best punters in the league. Not many people know this because not many people pay attention to punters. And even though he was given about an hour to throw the ball to Ryan Denney for the fake FG touchdown, how many punters/ holders could actually pull this one off successfully? Any guesses? Probably about 20%, I’ll guess.

But this is a play that shouldn’t work beyond high school football! That is either a credit to the Bills play selection and observatory skills, or the SEAHAWKS BLOW! Seriously nobody noticed THE ONE GUY standing out in the wings like that, lining up like a wide receiver?! I don’t care if Denney is a defensive end, if I’m on the Seahawks and 83-year old Marv Levy lines up on the wing, I’d put a man on him! But nooooooo, Denney could have moonwalked in for the score, or at least done the electric slide. But that probably would’ve been excessive celebration, 15-yard penalty…or I should say PRE-celebration.

Seattle, you suck right now. I’m pretty sure Glasgow Diamonds from 1986 could score on you NOW. And for those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, here’s some safe for work entertainment (unless your boss hates 80s music):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utsHE5xWges

Washington Redskins at New York Giants: Brandon Jacobs is a Hard, Hard Man

Brandon Jacobs is like a dump truck: he weighs a couple of tons and will flatten just about anything in his way. Unfortunately, LaRon Landry happened to be in his way. Jacobs squashed him like a traffic cone. In most states if you run over traffic cones on purpose, they give you a traffic citation. I think the NJ State Troopers are going to be kind enough to let Jacobs off with a warning this time.

Cincinnati Bengals at Baltimore Ravens: Joe Flacco Rides Like the Wind

The Commish of this site, Greg, will tell you that he once sacked Joe Flacco in a game…when they were both in high school (Editor's note: This one is true, I have one sack from 2001 and it's on, you guessed it, Ravens QB Joe Flacco).

Flacco’s improved just a little bit since then, though nobody will ever consider mentioning the Ravens Quarterback-By-Default in the same paragraph as the word “fast.” He’s a slow pocket quarterback, whom can be picked up at any local CVS for $19.95 minus 10% with a coupon. But when he ran the ball 38 yards for a touchdown on Sunday, juking and diving his way downfield after the pocket had been obliterated around him, he didn’t prove he was fast…he proved that he has moxie. 94.3% of all quarterbacks out there would’ve slid or taken a knee about 20 yards sooner then Flacco did when the Bengals finally tackled him in the end zone. He stared injury straight in the face over the course of those 38 yards and thumbed his nose at it, even though the team had no viable option to back him up that day. He showed that he indeed has what it takes to play in the NFL, despite all the talk to the contrary from the day that he was drafted.

Either that or he was just a wide-eyed rookie that was running out of instinct with a sense of fear in his heart, much the same as most rookies the first time they approach the end zone. Whatever. But when he rambled into the end zone, with arms and legs flailing in the sun, he ran his way into the hearts of Ravens fans everywhere, which is a good thing because he’ll need their support in the weeks to come.

Oh, and the Bengals defense blows, but you all knew that already.

Carolina Panthers at San Diego Chargers: Safe at Del-Hom(m)e

Greg likes writing limericks, but I’m going to take my swipe at the poetic yarn for just a moment:

Hickory Dickory Dock
The time ran off the clock
The clock hit one
Delhomme’s got a gun
Leaves the Chargers still moaning in shock

(Editor’s note: I approve. A lot. That is all.)

This is the kind of moment that every kid dreams of. In baseball, it’s having the bases loaded with 2 outs in the 9th and your team down by 3 runs. In basketball, it’s hitting the 3-pointer at the buzzer to win the game. In hockey, it’s scoring the winning goal in a shootout, or barring that it’s saving the winning goal in a shootout when Gunnar Stahl gets too cocky and shoots glove side. They can’t script games much better than this one…unless you’re a San Diego Super-Chargers fan. The Chargers come back from being down 19-10 to being up 24-19 with 2:32 left on the game clock. Game’s in the bag you would think.

But it seems that everybody forgets about Jake Delhomme. I know he’s coming off Tommy John surgery and I know that he doesn’t have star wideout Steve Smith on his wing. But this man did help his team make it to the Super Bowl and with the exception of 2006 he has improved every single season as a starter. Heck, he did throw eight TDs in 3 games last year before suffering the season ending injury. So what does he do here? He calmly and steadily leads his team back down the field: his own two minute drill. With two seconds left and the pocket collapsing on him, he steps back, flings the ball into double coverage and manages to find Dante Rosario in the back of the end zone with a perfect throw. No time left. Game over. Panthers win on the road.

Now that’s football right there.

Honorable Mentions:

St. Louis at Philadelphia: Stephen Jackson’s Decapitation

Not really important to the game, just really cool to watch the way the Eagles almost took his head off. Also the way Jackson sprang back up posturing, with his helmet rolling away across the turf; almost as if to indicate that he’s amazed that he’s still alive.

Denver at Oakland: Raiders Slippin’ on Nuts

Tony Scheffler of the Broncos catches one pass all night, and it takes the Raiders 5 guys to tackle him. Count ‘em: one, two, three, four, five. Though that’s because they’re too busy tripping over themselves and taking each other out with inadvertent chop blocks. Rob Ryan must buy his Alka-Seltzer by the gross from Costco. He’s gonna need them.

That’s all for now, catch you all next week.

“The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football.”
-Joe Theismann

"Will a sub-.500 record win the NFC West?" among other random thoughts...

Buffalo 34, Seattle 13

Philadelphia 38, St. Louis 3

Arizona 23, San Francisco 13

Take a good, long look at these scores. This is what the NFC West offered for the first week of the 2008 season. The division's supposed "best team" got 187'd in Buffalo as a one-point road favorite. The doormat from last year, St. Louis, went into Philadelphia and got pantsed by a team without their top two receivers from the previous year. Granted, Philly is one of the more talented teams in the NFL but seriously, it's like the Rams left their heart (and tackling/covering ability) in St. Louis.

As for the NFC West "matchup", the game provided a San Francisco team that turned the ball over FIVE TIMES and still only lost by 10 points. I don't know what this says about either team but neither team impressed me. At all.

Seattle, St. Louis, Arizona and San Francisco: Ladies and Gentleman, your NFC West!

For the past five years or so, this has been the worst division in football, by far. Since 2003, the division winner has averaged 10.6 wins per season, only two tenths better than the worst in the league (the NFC South). Take out the year Seattle went 13-3 and went to the Super Bowl and they become the worst. Add to the fact that they are the only division in the last five years to have to 9 win teams win the division and that should give you an idea of just how poor this division has been. I really could go on with the stats but it gets to be monotonous and rather pointless.

Granted, Seattle has dominated the NFC West and even went to the Super Bowl a couple of years ago. But everyone around the league, from analysts to commentators to bloggers alike, recognize that the division is consistently poor in inter-conference play and the doormat of the NFC.

For a fraction of a second, before the 2007 season started, I thought it might get better. The Division, while mediocre, was at least competitive. All four teams were within four games of each other by the end of the season and they all looked like they were getting better.

Boy was I wrong.

Fast forward to the 2008 season and here's what you have as progress for each team:

Seattle - Last year, MVP Shaun Alexander turned into the proverbial pumpkin and went from reigning NFL MVP to a non-entity in less than three years. The once powerful offensive line (featuring stalwarts like Walter Davis and Steve Hutchinson) fell apart and injuries have crippled this team over the previous 12 months. Alexander, Hasselbeck, Engram, Branch, Burleson (all three WR's are currently out of action with Burleson out for the year) among others have been injured for lengthy periods of time. This team has declined immensely since their Super Bowl appearance, though they have continued to win this weak division.

St. Louis - Anyone remember the Greatest Show on Turf? All but a distant memory. This current team features one of the most dynamic young backs in the NFL, Stephen Jackson, and one of the league's premier receivers in Torry Holt. Still, Marc Bulger, after a couple years of solid play, seems incredibly lost after numerous injuries and the loss of offensive "genius" Mike Martz. Add to the fact that St. Louis hasn't been able to block anyone or tackle/cover anyone the past season plus and it's easy to see how this team has fallen. There doesn't seem to be any help in sight as, with the exception of Jackson, the talent on the offensive side doesn't seem to be getting any younger.

Arizona - Has any other franchise of any professional sport in the United States been picked to do great things perennially yet come up short EVERY SINGLE TIME? This franchise has one playoff victory in its ENTIRE EXISTENCE IN ARIZONA. ONE! This team the past five years has been a sleeper pick for someone in the national media and they have failed miserably each season, failing to get above .500 since 1998, the year they won their only playoff game. They have a lot of talent (Boldin, Fitz, James) and a great young D. However, the season depends on 37-year old Kurt Warner and if he gets hurt, this could be another ugly end for a talented squad.

San Francisco - I don't even know where to begin with this franchise. For starters, I still hold to them as my favorite team. I love this team no matter what, they have given me so much joy over the course of my formative fan years and brought me my last professional championship, in 1995. However, I have watched some of the dumbest people on the planet turn this proud franchise into the laughing stock of the NFC. In the matter of a decade, they have gone from one of the NFC powerhouses to a joke team in a joke division. Four offensive coordinators in four years, no consistency at quarterback since Garcia got TO'd and if you can tell me the top 3 SF receivers of the past decade not named TO, I would be incredibly impressed (since I don't that). There's talent there but until the front office gets a grip on reality, this team is going nowhere as fast as possible.

What all of this analysis comes down to is that the winner of the NFC West might be the first team in as long as I can remember to win less than 8 games and be division champ. Seattle has no offense, San Fran's management/coaching staff is in complete disarray, St. Louis is in all-around shambles and Arizona is, well, Arizona and they will always find a way to choke/screw up.

If you are a fan of any of these four teams, bless you cause I feel your pain. Prepare yourselves for another long, dismal season.

Some other questions I have after the first week:

- Has there ever been a more crippling injury report for the NFL as the one that came from this week? Tom Brady, Shawne Merriman, Vince Young, Nate Burleson, Shawn Springs. These aren't just little nicks to sub-standard players. Brady's season ender all but turns the Pats into an average team while Merriman's injury severely damages the psyche (and production) of a solid San Diego D. Burleson's injury just compounds the wideout problem in Seattle, Washington's secondary looked pedestrian without Springs and the Titans have a major problem on their hands with the physical (and mental) issues that plague its young QB. This was an ugly start to the season.

- On the other side of the spectrum, WHERE THE HELL DID WILLIE PARKER AND MICHAEL TURNER COME FROM?!?!?!? Parker scores 2 TD's all last season and scores 3 in one game! Turner runs for an Atlanta record and 2 TD's in his first game! Unbelievable.

- Worst play of the week: What the hell happened to Cincy on that Flacco TD run? He looked uncomfortable with all that open space which the Bengals were more than happy to give to him. Cincy should be ashamed.

That's all I got for now. Come back tomorrow for a new, yet-untitled segment from No Fun League correspondent Chris Kubak.

Stay Classy.

Week 1 Recap - Limerick Style

With the first week of the NFL season in the books, it's time for the Week 1 Limerick Recaps (Better name will come when I think of it).

This is not as much a ripoff as it is an homage to one Gregg Easterbrook (AKA Tuesday Morning Quarterback) who does his all-haiku season predictions every season. So I decided to take it up a notch and use another form of poetry: Limericks. Some are funny, some aren't. Some are clever, some aren't.

Then again, as I always say, you get what you pay for.

This is my first attempt at doing this so be kind:

New York v. Washington - Giants 16, Redskins 7

Manning to Burress would not be denied,
Jacobs ran through a weak Redskins side.
The Skins couldn't score,
Their defense played poor,
and the Giants keep on their winning ride.

Atlanta v. Detroit - Falcons 34, Lions 21

Ryan succeeds on his league debut
and Turner went nuts on a sad Lions crew.
Kitna tried to bring it back,
with an-all out attack,
but the Falcons eventually came through.

Buffalo v. Seattle - Bills 34, Seahawks 10

Buffalo scored in every which way
Fake punts and returns highlighted their play.
The Seahawks were whack,
Hasselbeck played on his back,
as the Bills ruined Seattle's day.

Tennessee v. Jacksonville - Titans 17, Jacksonville 10

VY was left an emotional wreck
but Tennessee's D went right for the neck.
The Jags couldn't run,
and when all was done,
the Titans held Jax in check.

New York Jets v. Miami - Jets 20, Dolphins 14

Favre got off to a very good start
First half, two touchdowns, made New York look smart
But Penny played swell,
throw two touchdowns as well.
In the end, the Jets showed more heart.

New England v. Kansas City - Patriots 17, Chiefs 10

Brady went down with an injured left knee
and the Patriots' season's no longer carefree.
Lucky they played the Chiefs,
who confirmed our beliefs,
and gave the Pats a win for free.

New Orleans v. Tampa Bay - Saints 24, Buccaneers 20

New Orleans starts off with a hard fought win
As Brees' perfect throws caught the Bucs in the chin.
Tampa Bay kept it close,
but finished morose,
as the Saints end the game with a grin.

Philadelphia v. St. Louis - Eagles 38, Rams 3

McNabb was on fire as he torched the Rams quick.
Jackson and Baskett made St. Louis sick
Did the Rams even play?
or show up on Sunday?
Didn't matter, Philly was always our pick.

Pittsburgh v. Houston - Steelers 38, Texans 17

All I can say is the Steelers kicked ass
and made Houston look like they're made out of glass.
Parker went off,
the Texans looked soft,
and Pittsburgh's play was first class.

Baltimore v. Cincinnati - Ravens 17, Bengals 10

Flacco played well in his first game as a pro
as Cincy, once again, was a pathetic no-show
A 38 yard score?
Need I say more?
The Bengals really blow.

Carolina v. San Diego - Panthers 26, Chargers 24

A heart-wrenching loss for the Chargers indeed
As a win for the Bolts seemed guaranteed.
Delhomme had other plans,
as he found Rosario's hands,
to help Carolina succeed.

Arizona v. San Francisco - Cardinals 23, 49ers 13

My Niners looked bad at home, once again
As the offense looked out of sync and barren.
Did anyone watch this game?
If you did, that's a shame.
It was easily a 1 out of 10.

Dallas v. Cleveland - Cowboys 28, Browns 10

The game of the week ended up as a dud
as the Boys left Cleveland lying in mud.
Barber and Jones ran wild,
the Browns Offense looked mild,
leaving the Dawg Pound covered in crud.

Chicago v. Indianapolis - Bears 29, Colts 13

The Bears looked impressive at the Colts' new place
As Forte had miles of green to pace.
Peyton ran for his life,
the Bears D caused him strife.
And for one night, returned the Manning Face.

Green Bay v. Minnesota - Packers 24, Vikings 19

Favre is a memory as Rodgers plays great
and the Packers pull out a victory late.
AP isn't fair
but the Pack didn't care
as they left in a jubilant state.

Denver v. Oakland - Broncos 41, Raiders 14

Diabetes be damned in the Mile High City
as Cutler made carving the Raiders look pretty.
Oakland didn't have a clue,
there was nothing they could do,
and ultimately ended up looking shitty.

Come back later today for my "Does anyone really want to win the NFC East?" article.

Stay Classy.

2008 NFL Kickoff Running Diary

We're only a couple hours away from the start of the 2008 NFL season, which will begin with an NFC East battle between the Washington Redskins and the defending Super Bowl champion New York Giants.

The commentary will begin a little before kickoff but for now, check those fantasy teams one more time and get ready for a fantastic night of football.

---

(All times are Eastern Standard)

6:30pm - Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to the inaugural NFL Kickoff Running Diary, hosted by yours truly, The Commish.

Most of you are familiar with the concept of one of these so I won't get too bogged down in details. The gist of it is that I'm going to be providing commentary for tonight's Skins/Giants game by up-to-the-minute play updates (as much as I can) intermingled with stats, analysis and a little bit of humor.

I promise I won't get too technical and I'll try to keep it as light and fun as I can. Other than that, let's get this shindig started.

6:35pm - Some key questions that I'll keep in mind as I watch the game this evening:

- Can the Giants D create the hellish amount of pressure on Jason Campbell that tormented GQ's own Tom Brady without Michael "Mind the Gap" Strahan and The New Nigerian Nightmare, Osi Umenyiora?

- How will Jason Campbell bounce back from the dislocated kneecap that kept him out of the Redskins final four games last season?

- Will the 2007 version of Clinton Portis (16 Games, 1262 yards, 11TD's) show up or will the 2006 fantasy team destroying edition (8 Games, 523 yards, 7TD's) rear his ugly head?

- Can Eli Manning continue his progression from the 2007 playoffs to become one of the league's best quarterbacks? Or will he become just another Trent Dilfer? (I know this is unfair, no one will EVER be that bad again. I'm just throwing it out there.)

- Will Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes (who are BFF's with Redskins Owner "Chainsaw" Dan Snyder) be in attendance? If so, will they actually spend any time watching the game?

That last one, while meaningless, intrigues me nonetheless. While none of these will be answered by this game alone, we'll at least get a good idea of what to expect from guys like Portis, Manning and Campbell going forward.

6:50pm - In case you aren't watching the Worldwide Leader (or have had your head inserted in your backside for the past couple of hours), Giants receiver Plaxico Burress just signed a new 5-year, 35 million dollar contract.

This is exactly what I need: my number one receiver in two fantasy leagues finally cashing in so he can coast for the first half of the season while he counts all them new dollar signs heading his way.

Goddamnit.

6:54pm - Redskins starting CB Shawn Springs has been declared inactive for tonight's game with a calf injury.

Everything I just said about Plaxico Burress, I take back. God must be a Giants fan.

7:00pm - Nice highlight montage of the Giants Super Bowl upset victory over the New England Patriots, followed by Strahan stepping out of a huge Lombardi trophy with the real thing.

Everything was good until Strahan opened his mouth: "Blah Blah Blah, best fans in all of sports, blah blah blah, I love my teammates, blah blah blah, the defense is gonna suck without me."

Okay, I added that last part, but you know he's thinking it.

7:05pm - Madden and Michaels talk about new Redskins head coach Jim Zorn and how he will fare in his first attempt at coaching in the NFL.

Why do commentators always say, "I talked to (insert head coach) last night and he said (something asinine that everyone already knew)."

There's no need for this. Now, if they said, "I talked to (insert head coach) last night and he said that, while they spent last night doing coke off of strippers and smashing mailboxes at 2am, they all should have recovered from their hangovers enough to whip the (insert opponent's name) asses."

I feel this would be more informative and entertaining.

7:07pm - And we're off! Suisham kicks off, Bradshaw receives and goes down fast.

7:08pm - Jacobs runs for 3, Manning throws an ill-advised screen pass, followed by a third down completion to slot receiver Steve Smith for the first down.

How in God's name did Eli Manning win the Super Bowl MVP? This still baffles me.

7:10pm - Somehow, someway, Plaxico Burress was left WIDE OPEN for a 30 yard reception, followed immediately by another first down reception for 19 yards.

Boy the Skins are gonna miss Springs tonight. This is not starting off well for the Skins.

7:12pm - Manning almost gets hammered on second down, followed by Jacobs swinging his meaty paw at Skins LB Marcus Washington. Gotta love those end of play cheap shots.

7:15pm - Another great throw from Manning to Burress. Manning almost gets caught with his pants down on a safety blitz and stays up just long enough to complete the pass for the first down, although Burress tried real hard to drop it.

Three catches for Burress already. You think Manning likes him?

Me either.

7:17pm - I've said this before, I'll say it again: Fred Smoot is garbage. If he's your number one corner, you have problems. Serious problems, like heart attack and gonorrhea problems.

Pass interference leads to the ball being spotted on the one, which results in an Eli Manning scurry/scamper for the first touchdown of the 2008 NFL Season.

Carney kicks the PAT and after an 11-play, 84 yard drive, it's Giants 7-0.

7:20pm - On a first impression, I have to admit that the Giants look very impressive. Manning completes three big passes to Burress and finishes off the drive himself. The Skins look bad on D, but it's only the first drive so there's no point condemning them yet.

Not having Springs is gonna kill the Skins tonight, let's hope Campbell and Co. are up to the challenge against the Giants D.

7:23pm - While we wait for the Redskins O to take the field, I'd like to comment on Jason Taylor's choice of jersey number #55:

I like it. A lot.

That is all.

7:25pm - Not a good way to start the ballgame as Campbell gets eaten by Justin Tuck for a big loss. Maybe they won't miss Mind the Gap or N-Cubed after all.

7:27pm - And it just gets worse as Portis gets dropped in the backfield, the Skins' get penalized for a false start and Portis gets back to the line of scrimmage. Skins Punt and McQuarters gets back to midfield.

Not gonna lie, expected a little more out of Washington.

7:30pm - Each team has taken a drive at this point and it's no question who's had the better showing thus far. The Giants rolled down the field, Escalade-style, into the endzone on the back of Manning and Burress.

The Skins? Well, at least they didn't turn the ball over. So they got that going for them, which is nice.

7:32pm - Jekyll and Hyde from Jacobs. An impressive run for 7, followed by Mr. Stone Hands dropping a dump off.

Since we're at a timeout, it's important to mention that Madden and Michaels made a point on how the Giants will try and run directly at Jason Taylor, due to his lack of girth. Seems like a plausible theory, since I'm pretty sure Jacobs dwarfs Taylor by a good 20 pounds.

I feel like there are too many commercials. Then again, one commercial is too many but I digress.

7:34pm - First Down, Giants. Derrick Ward runs for the first as the Skins continue to show an unwillingness to do important things like tackle, read line blocking or play the game of football in general.

7:36pm - Wow, LaRon Landry just got piledrived by Brandon Jacobs as he rumbled down the field. That was completely believable since Jacobs is the size of a small bull elephant and Landry looks like a malnourished 15 year old boy.

And Jacobs continues to beat the living daylights out of the Skins D. This guy is a complete monster and I'm not sure Washington has an answer for him.

7:38pm - For some ungodly reason, the Giants run Ward on third down and gets absolutely stuffed, causing the Giants to send in the field goal unit for a 24 yarder.

Kick's up and good, Giants 10-0.

7:39pm - On an unrelated note, how bad do you think NBC regrets retaining Notre Dame for another decade? They just can't compete with the Ohio State's and USC's of the world.

Not to mention that Charlie Weis looks like he ate enough to feed a small village. Just an opinion.

7:41pm - The Skins are back on offense and, due to their inability to move the ball last drive, the graphics for the Giants D just showed up for the first time in the game at the 3:00 mark, which is followed up by another false start penalty.

7:43pm - Campbell gets his pass batted down on 1st and 15, Portis runs for 3 yards on a draw and Campbell throws another incomplete pass.

Another piss-poor showing by the Skins as the punt almost gets blocked.

7:44pm - After a roughing the kicker penalty on Eagles reject Jerome McDougle, the Skins have new life on their own 36. Portis gains four on first down and comes out after getting poked in the face.

Betts gets stuffed at the line and it's third down.

7:46pm - Another incomplete pass by Campbell (0-3 on the night) and the Giants get the ball back.

While there's a break in action, I'd like to take a moment to say that the Redskins look atrocious so far on both sides of the ball. The D looks shoddy, the O can't move the ball and the Giants are eating their lunch and taking their milk money.

7:48pm - An incomplete pass followed by a first down scamper by Derrick Ward and that leads us to the end of the first with the Giants owning the Redskins 10-0.

7:50pm - A key stat to take a look at from the first quarter:

Giants Offense: 134 yards, 1 TD, 1FG
Redskins Offense: 7 yards

That pretty much tells the tale for the evening so far.

7:52pm - First mention of Gene Upshaw by John Madden, which is to be expected as both were members of the Raiders family.

7:53pm - Does anyone in the Redskins secondary know how to play defense? Anyone? How does Sinorce Moss end up THAT wide open? The Skins look reeeeeally bad.

Sidenote: I completely forgot that the Moss brothers were going against each other this evening. Probably because one is overrated and the other shouldn't be rated at all. They are like the homeless man's version of the Barbers, who in turn are the dead man's version of the Mannings.

So in review: Mannings >>> Barbers >>>>>>>>>>>> Mosses.

7:55pm - Round 2 of the Tyree catch. I'm pretty sure I'm already sick of that catch, but not nearly as much as Pats fans must be.

Like a broken record, Burress catches another ball down field for a Giants first down as the Redskins secondary continues to play the part of swiss cheese.

7:56pm - Toomer catches a 5 yarder on first down and Manning almost throws a typical Eli interception as he miscommunicates with Toomer.

Then again, it's Fred Smoot so there's no real reason to expect that an interception would have happened.

7:58pm - After a big third down false start penalty, Manning gets scared like a little child and pounds the ball into the ground at Ward's feet. Finally, some life out of this Washington D and the Giants stagnate again in the red zone.

8:00pm - Of course, as soon as I say that, the Skins give 5 yards back on an encroachment penalty and the veteran Carney boots another one to give the G-men a 13-0 lead.

It is absolutely incredible that the Giants are only winning this game by two touchdowns as they have been running/throwing up and down the field on this putrid Skins defense. The Giants offensive line is giving Eli enough time to make some sandwiches, play jenga, knit a sweater and do a sudoku.

So if you're keeping score at home, the Giants are leading in the yardage department, 186-7, and Washington has yet to get an offensive first down.

I wish I had a joke for that stat, but I'm not that funny.

8:02pm - Dual penalties null-and-void the Cooley first down (and in turn, Campbell's first completion) as Portis runs for 3.

8:04pm - Two more Portis runs for 6.5 yards and the Skins, once again, send out the punting unit.

In case you didn't know, this is the Redskins' punter's first game and that was his fourth punt. Giants get the ball back, let's see if they can break the Skins' spirit on this drive.

And with 8:21 left in the first half, Washington still doesn't have a first down.

8:07pm - Obligatory shot of the Royal Family of the NFL as Jacobs rumbles for 5.

8:08pm - It appears that the Giants are more than content to let Brandon Jacobs beat Jason Taylor into a pulp as they run a toss sweep to his side again for a couple.

8:10pm - After a Steve Smith first down and a 3 yard dive, Jacobs breaks loose into the secondary for a big gain as Landry is forced to bring him down, against his better judgement.

8:12pm - Seriously, does anyone in the Redskins secondary have any answer for Plaxico Burress? Any answer at all? He is tearing them to shreds as he has 7 catches for 98 yards in the FIRST HALF! Add that to Jacobs' 77 yards on 10 carries and the Giants are killing the Skins between the 20s.

8:15pm - That being said, the Giants go conservative AGAIN on third down and bring on the field goal unit for a 47 yarder, which he nails with room to spare.

The Giants take a 16-0 lead but could easily be up by double that. It's a good thing I'm not a Giants fan because I'm pretty sure I would have broken two remotes and a fist by now with some of these plays being called.

That being said, it's not like the Skins are posing any kind of threat to cross midfield, let alone score points.

8:17pm - AND THE SKINS FINALLY CROSS MIDFIELD!!!!!

Rock Cartwright catches the kickoff and brings the ball across the mid line into Giants territory for a 50 yard kickoff return. Thank God, maybe we'll actually see the Washington offense come out of their coma.

8:18pm - It looks like the Washington offense is coming to life as Portis runs for nine yards and Randle El gives Campbell his first completion and the Skins their initial first down.

8:20pm - First moment of humor of the evening as the head referee, Ed Hocouli (who knows it that's the right spelling, i don't really care) messes up the call and apologizes on national television. Always nice to know the refs care about their work.

8:22pm - Another incomplete pass from Campbell as he continues to run for his life from the Giants front 4.

8:23pm - TOUCHDOWN REDSKINS! Santana Moss comes across the field all alone on a drag route, catches the ball from Campbell and runs another 10 yards for the touchdown. PAT is good and the Skins are making it a game, with the Giants still leading 16-7.

8:25pm - Of course, as soon as I mention that the Redskins need to come out of the collective coma they were in, the offense proceeds to drive the field with no mercy and scores a huge touchdown as the first half winds down. This game could easily be 28-0 but instead, much to the dismay of the Giants faithful, the Skins are back within two touchdowns.

8:27pm - Manning kneels and that's the end of the first half, with the Giants taking a 16-7 lead into the locker room.

If I'm Coughlin, I would be livid with the offense, seeing as they have had the Skins' D on their heels the whole half, spent most of the half in Washington territory and only have 16 points to show for it. While Manning has impressed, Jacobs has terrorized and Burress has run rampant throughout the secondary, it is still disappointing to go into the half leading by only 9 points.

As for Skins coach Jim Zorn, well, he should be thankful that the Giants didn't drop 50 on this piss poor D. The offense finally showed signs of life but the defense isn't doing him any favors out there, giving up over 240 yards of total offense. Still, they kept the Giants out of the end zone for the most part, keeping the game close.

If I had to make an assessment on the first half, I would venture to say that for 26 minutes, the Giants bullied the Skins like they owed the Giants money. The last four, however, goes to the Redskins with the big Moss touchdown.

On that note, time for a break, be back at the start of the third.

8:39pm - And we're back here for the third quarter, prediction for the second half: More Jacobs/Burress attacking the Skins porous D and the Giants should put this game away.

Key Stats: Giants O - 241, Skins O - 51; Burress - 7 Rec, 98 yards; Jacobs - 11 rushes, 77 yards; Campbell - 2-6, 25 yards and a TD; Portis - 10 rushes, 34 yards.

8:41pm - The half is not starting off on a good note for the Giants as they are assessed a 15 yard, personal foul penalty on the kickoff. Coughlin will probably turn his usual shade of red from that one, doing his best freezing elf impression.

8:44pm - Santana Moss almost gets beheaded on third down as he is stopped short of the first, forcing the Redskins to punt once again. Great catch by Moss, better hit by Webster.

Giants should look to put this game out of reach as soon as possible, a touchdown on this drive would go a long way to doing that. Another field goal and Coughlin might break his foot off in Manning's . . . well, you get the picture.

8:47pm - As much as I would have liked to see Manning take a shot down field on first down, I guess feeding Jacobs wasn't a bad idea either. Only a gain of 2.

8:48pm - Manning finds Jacobs on a dump off and Jacobs finds another inferior Redskin to run over, then finishes the job on third down as he bowls his way for the first.

8:49pm - I believe the phrase is "Manning being Manning" as, for the third time this game, he almost throws an ill-advised pass to the Skins D on first down, then spends second down running for his life before throwing an incomplete pass.

While the offense slowed down after halftime, the Washington D is showing some resistance after spending the first half in the form of tackling dummies and flipped over trash cans.

8:51pm - After a Manning incompletion, Tecmo Super Bowler Jeff Feagles makes his first appearance of the evening and booms a punt away, bringing the Skins O back on the field.

Speaking of Tecmo Super Bowl, as of this evening, there are only two current NFL players who appeared in the 1991 Nintendo classic and they are both in this football game: punter Jeff Feagles (who was on the Eagles) and kicker John Carney (who was on the Chargers).

I feel it's important to know these things.

8:53pm - The Skins start their drive off right with a 22 yard burst from Clinton Portis for the Skins' second first down of the night.

8:54pm - After Portis gets stuffed on first down, Campbell avoids the pass rush and takes a shot downfield to Moss, almost getting picked off by Giants CB Aaron Ross.

8:55pm - Michigan State rookie wideout Devin Thomas gets his first grab of his young career but goes down easy before the first down, forcing the Skins to punt.

The game has officially reached a stalemate with a battle of field position the result. Doesn't make for riveting writing, I know, but then you get what you pay for.

8:57pm - I'm not one for commercials but the Brian Urlacher Old Spice commerical is a quality piece of acting and cinematography. No joke.

"I challenge you to a doo-ell." Nice.

8:58pm - Well, well, well, whaddya know? Manning to Burress for nine yards. I think it's safe to say that you are going to see a lot of that this season, especially since his royal Hickness, Jeremy Shockey, has found a home on Bourbon St.

9:00pm - Like clockwork, Jacobs rumbles down field for another Giants first down which is promptly followed up with Manning's first (of many) interception of the young season. Granted, Eli got knocked out of his cleats but that was a terrible decision to let that one go. Skins get the ball back around midfield.

9:01pm - What are the Redskins thinking? Back-to-back Portis runs and it's already third down at their own 40. Someone needs to let the Washington coaching staff that they are, in fact, losing this game.

On a sidenote, Portis just laid one of the best chip blocks I've ever seen on Kiwanuka. I'm almost positive Kiwi's head hit before the rest of him did. Nevertheless, Skins forced to punt and the ball goes back to the Giants.

This game has suddenly turned into a much-less interesting version of electronic football. Someone needs to find a semblance of an effective offense and fast because i'm running out of interesting things to say. Which means I will resort to speaking in complete gibberish and muttering incoherently for the remainder of the game.

And no one wants that.

9:05pm - While the game gets back into gear, I have to admit that I am tired of the sideline reporter. They offer absolutely nothing to the game that an intern or stat guy couldn't get for less. Stop the charade, no one's buying it.

9:07pm - Great pocket presence on third down by Manning as he reads the nickel blitz, steps in the pocket and finds Smith for the first down.

9:08pm - Manning finds Ward on a dump pass and he wrecks Smoot's world, causing the craptastic one to writhe in pain, causing the broadcast to go to timeout.

Now, I know what you are thinking, what is my beef with Fred Smoot? Well, it's pretty simple, he's not any good, he's caused far too many problems off the field (Love Boat, anyone?) and did I mention that he's not any good?

Needless to say, he's not completely crippled so he stumbles his way off the field and play resumes.

9:09pm - Weak play calling gets the first down, then Manning finds Plax again (9 catches with 120 yards in THREE QUARTERS) for a 9 yard gain.

9:12pm - THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! I love when fullbacks get the ball, as Hedgecock (yea, go ahead, laugh) gets the dump pass to end the third quarter.

A bland quarter with a lot of punts leads to a 16-7 Giants lead. Let's hope the 4th provides just a little more entertainment, though that shouldn't be hard as grass growing, paint drying and rabbits . . . well, being rabbits, would provide more entertainment.

9:15pm - Manning gets double-teamed (once again, laugh) by Landry and Carter to start the fourth and it's 2nd and 18.

9:17pm - Another one bites the dust as Fred Smoot makes his way to the Redskins locker room, which means the Skins have Springs and Smoot injured with third CB Carlos Rogers playing at around 80%. Not good news for an already weak Skins D.

Manning finds Ward for 8 and it's third and 10 for the Giants.

9:19pm - Manning overthrows Burress (which I didn't even know was possible) and the Giants are forced to punt.

For the love of all things holy, can someone please get in field goal range? I'd take a safety at this point in time if only to give me something to make fun of.

Oh well, Skins get the ball back and I can only hope they do something with it. I'm not hopeful though. (Yes, that is a feeble attempt at a reverse jinx)

9:21pm - Like clockwork, the Skins run the ball twice with Portis for 9 yards on first down. Does anyone on Washington know that the object of the game is to get down field and score points? Air the ball out once in a while!

9:23pm - First down Skins, as Portis gets his third straight carry. I'm convinced the Skins don't really care about scoring at this point in time, they just want to make sure they don't get blown out.

Not sure why, as this isn't soccer and point differential means absolutely dick.

9:24pm - Another penalty on the Skins. That's 6 on them so far, all of the 5 yard variety.

Once again, another incomplete pass from Campbell, though some excitement has been brought back into this game as Skins O-Lineman Pete Kendall attempted to rip Giants LB Antonio Pierce's head off. Once again, gotta love the cheap shots.

9:26pm - Another short pass to Moss, another punt from the Skins which makes 7 on the night. Ugh.

Can the Giants please score here and put the Skins out of their misery? Keeping them around like this just isn't humane. It's downright cruel, like Michael Vick/Pit Bull cruel.

Yea, I just made a Vick joke. It's getting to that point.

9:28pm - Looks like the Giants are okay with the 16 points as they, once again, hand the ball off to Jacobs for a gain of 1.

9:29pm - Manning to Burress, tenth time of the evening, for another first down.

I love having Burress on my fantasy team, best pick ever.

Jacobs, Burress, Jacobs, Burress, the Skins defenders are going to have nightmares tonight about getting double teamed in a New Jersey state prison . . . ok, I really need to stop.

9:31pm - It's about time the Redskins picked up on the fact that Manning is staring down Burress like he's a juicy steak. Another near interception and it's second down.

9:32pm - This has become the Manning/Jacobs/Burress show as they have combined for over 240 yards of total offense. As I say that, Manning curls into the fetal position as he gets sacked on third down and the Giants are forced to punt. Again.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WILL SOMEONE SCORE?!?!?!

9:35pm - There's a little over six minutes left in the game, no one has scored since late in the second quarter and there have been a total of 254 punts in the second half. And there's ANOTHER personal foul penalty on the Giants.

Coughlin has to be furious at this point with his players, after the pointless penalties and inability to score touchdowns.

Though that smack by Tuck on Portis should soften the pain.

9:37pm - Finally, a big play for the Washington Redskins as Campbell finds Randle El on a seam route for 26 yards and a big first down.

I'm surprised it has taken Campbell this long to find him, but with another completion, that's two straight to the speedy receiver.

9:39pm - Another lost weapon, Chris Cooley, makes his appearance with 4 minutes left as he gets his first catch of the game and it's third and 2. Portis runs the ball (ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?) for the first and the Redskins look like they're taking an afternoon stroll in the park.

9:40pm - After a second straight Portis run, there's an injury timeout as Giants lineman Fred Robbins is on the ground.

Let's take some time out to review just how futile the Redskins offense has been this evening: 167 yard TOTAL offense (83 pass, 84 run), 9 total first downs and 7 points on a first half ending touchdown. With the exception of Clinton Portis, this offense has looked out of sync and lethargic.

9:43pm - Ugh, Moss drops a pass on 2nd and 17 and it's gonna take a miracle for the Skins to get into field goal range. He was probably better off not catching it because he would have gotten his clock cleaned.

9:44pm - Jason Campbell, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!?!?! A DUMPOFF TO MOSS!?!?!? ON THIRD AND 17?!?!?!?!

Jesus, man, you're down by 9 with 2 minutes to go, you need to get to the 30 for a first and you throw a 3 yard dump.

That statement pretty much sums up the second half of this football game. The Skins look like a Division III college football team, play calling and execution combined. The only reason why they aren't losing by 50 is the Giants offense can't punch it in.

9:47pm - I give up. Jason Campbell, you, my friend, need to go back to NFL QB school. Short pass to Betts, who doesn't get the first and the Giants get the ball back.

Jacobs runs for 5 and it's the two minute warning. Skins have two timeouts but if the Giants get the first, stick a fork in it.

9:49pm - This game started out so promising, with the Giants driving down the field and scoring on the first drive. Then the Giants forgot what they did on the first drive and repeatedly got stifled in Skins territory.

The second half? Well . . . you see . . . what had happened was . . . I got nothing. It was god awful.

Jacobs runs again and the Skins call timeout.

9:51pm - Jacobs does his best impression of a rolling boulder and crushes half the Skins D, moving his way towards the first down marker. It's fourth down, the commentators say punt.

I say go for it, why not? You get it, it's over. You don't, they have no timeouts and they need to score twice in a minute and 38 seconds.

Screw it, add a little drama, go for the jugular.

9:53pm - Chicken shit. Coughlin elects to punt and, in due fashion, Feagles semi-muffs a punt and the Skins will get the ball on their own 33 yard line.

9:54pm - Campbell evades the pass rush (seems like he's been doing that all night) and finds Randle El again for 9 yards, who then gets out of bounds like a good boy. Campbell hits Moss for the first in the middle of the field, then Randle El for 8 yards. The Giants are doing the right thing and keeping the Skins in bounds.

Campbell takes a shot downfield to James Trash but it falls incomplete.

9:56pm - Campbell throws again to Thrash but his knee was out of bounds due to a combination of a bad throw by Campbell and a poor route by Thrash. Campbell then finds Randle El for 6 yards and spikes it to stop the clock at 13 seconds.

This has been a sad showing of two-minute play execution by the Skins, which is to be expected from a first year, first time head coach and a young, inexperienced QB.

9:58pm - Campbell takes another shot to Moss in the end zone, but Webster breaks up the pass with 7 seconds left on the clock.

9:59pm - This game ends as it should: a dump pass to Betts from Campbell. The game goes out in a whimper and the Giants prevail, 16-7

What an uneventful second half. Absolutely pointless, you could have ended this game at halftime and no one would have known the difference.

10:00pm - That will do it here for the first annual NFL Kickoff Running Diary. I've been sitting at this computer for over three and a half hours and I just don't have it in me to go over this game.

Long story short: First half was a B, second half was a D, Manning/Burress/Jacobs played solidly and the Skins need to reconvene this week big time because what they played today, for the most part, was not professional football. Giants should have won by 50, end up winning by 9 and start the season like they ended last year: with a win.

And on that note, it's lights out for The Commish. I hope you enjoyed the festivities. If you have any comments or questions, as always, you can email me at NFLStrikesBack@gmail.com.

Stay Classy.

Another Reason Why The NFL Is Better Than The NBA

After months of waiting and anxious anticipation, the new NBA franchise in Oklahoma City has a team nickname!

Ok, maybe that's going a little too far. Alright, a lot too far.

Nevertheless, people in the great state of Oklahoma are rejoicing as their new franchise has been christened the OKC Thunder.

The Thunder? This is what was offered? Really?

What is this, the NHL? the (W)NBA?

Granted, the NBA already had a couple franchises (Utah, Miami and Orlando) that didn't have their names end in a pluralized (and phonetically pleasing) "S". That doesn't make it right nor does it make the average fan thrilled about their team.

There aren't too many rules to follow when it comes to naming a franchise: Make sure it's something either cool or intimidating and make sure it ends in an S. That's pretty much it.

OKC broke both those rules. Resoundingly.

Only the Minnesota Wild destroyed the rules more fervently, but they are a hockey team so they don't count.

Oklahoma City had a bunch of cool names they could have rolled with: The Barons, the Outlaws, the Barnstormers, the Bombers (culturally insensitive, I know, but it's surprisingly fitting), the Rebels, the Stallions. The possibilities are endless.

Yet they go with the Thunder?

Are you serious?

The reason why I have this titled the way I do (and why it's relevant to an NFL blog) is because no team in the NFL would have egregiously broken the Naming Rules like the OKC NBA franchise has. If you take a look at the past couple of expansion/relocated franchises with name changes, they stand as follows: Baltimore Ravens, Houston Texans, Tennessee Titans, Jacksonville Jaguars, Carolina Panthers, Seattle Seahawks, New Orleans Saints, Atlanta Falcons and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Indianapolis, St. Louis and Arizona don't count because they didn't change names, only locations.

Take a long look at those lists of names. The Ravens, while not necessarily geographically relevant, is a ridiculously cool name for a football franchise and reminds people of the Edgar Allen Poe piece, which is never a bad thing. The Texans aren't really original but at least it makes sense. The Titans is another solid name and it's alliterative, which I'm always a fan of. Same thing with Jacksonville and Seattle, though the Jaguar is a badass cat while the Seahawk . . . well, leaves a little something to be desired. The Saints are just ironic, being in New Orleans and all (think Bourbon Street and Girls Gone Wild). The Panthers, like the Jaguars, is just an intimidating name and flows nicely. This leaves the Tampa Bay Buccaneers which is one of the coolest nicknames in all of sports, let alone the NFL. It's geographically relevant (pirates and ransackers alike purged the Gulf over the course of history), it's menacing (as pirates were badass mofos) and it's just a cool nickname for a football team.

What do all these names have in common? THEY ALL END IN THE FUCKING LETTER "S"!

How hard is that to accomplish? A team nickname makes more sense when it ends in S because it's a fucking team. With multiple players. Coaches. Interns. Water Boys. Fans. You get the feeling of community when you say, "I am a Ravens fan" or "The Colts sure look good this season."

What does an OKC fan say?

"Boys, let me tell you, I don't know how you feel, but the Thunder are gonna be great this year."

"I am honored to be a Thunder fan."

You know when this will sound good?

"In other news, (insert player here), a member of the Oklahoma City Thunder, was arrested today for driving under the influence."

So I'm being a little facetious. Be that as it may, I only ask that teams think a little more before they give a professional franchise such a cheesy ass name.

Shame on you, Clay Bennett. You steal the Sonics from Seattle and don't even have the decency to use a name fitting of your reputation (like Baron or Outlaw). Count me disappointed.

That is all.

(Make sure you come back later tonight for the Redskins/Giants diary, full of sparkling commentary from yours truly. See you then.)

Unfounded and unresearched NFL Predictions, among other things

I know, I know, most people don't give a crap what I think about how the NFL season is going to play out. I don't blame them. With all of the talking heads over at the WWL in Bristol and countless analysts and bloggers giving their two cents, it's hard to break away from the pack and give anything meaningful in terms of opening the NFL season. That being the case, I'm gonna spend less time on the Predictions themselves and more time answering a couple questions that could/should/will rear their ugly mugs at the start of a pristine 2008 campaign.

1. Has Chad Johnson lost his mind?

If any of you listened to my segment on WTSR's "Striker Bill" program Monday Night (that would be 91.3fm in Trenton for this who don't know), I brought this question up to my buddy Kubak. With all of his antics and trash talk he's given us over the years, nothing comes close to the name change from "Johnson" to "Ocho Cinco." Sure, the HoF jacket may have been a little premature and the Putting Pilon was quite entertaining, but how many people in the league, or anywhere for that matter, would change their last name to a number in a language that isn't even their own? Some may called this arrogance, other may call it brilliance, I just call plain plumb dumb.

For all of his talk, he's an average receiver (Housh is better, in my opinion) on a .500 team that plays little defense and can't keep it's players out of jail. He needs to spend less time tooting his own horn and more time backing his statements up. Give me 100 catches, 10 TD's and no mouth and I'll call him whatever he wants....except loverboy or babycakes cause I could see that getting awkward.

2. Will Brett Favre, the Ultimate Male, bring the floundering Jets back to the Promised Land (or at least the playoffs)?

Yes, Brett Favre is a Jet. Maybe you know that. Maybe you didn't. Regardless of whether you kept up with his summer newsticker or not, Favre will begin his 18th season in the league (1 with Atlanta, 16 with the Cheeseheads) in the somewhat bright lights of New York City (seeing as they play in Jersey). While great things will be expected of Favre at his new team, he can relish in the fact that, for the first time in his career, he will play second fiddle to someone else. In this case, the Giants, coming off an improbable Super Bowl victory over Belichick, Brady and the Pats.

We all know Favre is a country boy with country values and country style. The lights and media of NYC, while genial now, may not be so if the Jets fail to succeed early on in the season. While the offense has gotten better with additions of Favre and All-Pro Guard Alan Faneca, a lot remains to be seen from the Jets raw defense and some of their new additions, notably former Cardinal Calvin Pace. The Jets will benefit from playing a somewhat easy schedule, getting both of the West divisions (who suck something awful) and 4 should be wins against the Dolphins and Bills. The Jets have the look and feel of a potential wild card team, but they can easy stink up the joint like they did last year. It's up to Favre to make statements early and often or the Jets could find themselves in a tough spot in the overly-competitive AFC.

3. Which talented rookie RB will rise to the top of this year's class?

Darren McFadden, Jonathon Stewart, Reshard Mendenhall, Kevin Smith, Felix Jones, and Matt Forte. The Sensational Six, as I like to call them (ok, not really, I just came up with it, but it's got quite a nice ring to it), make up one of the highest-profile running back classes in years. The headliner, McFadden, has already garnered comparisons to everyone from Herschel Walker to Adrian Peterson. While incumbent RB Justin Fargas will start the season, it's only a matter of time before resident loony-bin Owner Al Davis forces Lane Kiffin's hand to play the Arkansas phenom.

While McFadden has the glitz and prestige, when it comes to importance and substance, the pick of the litter should be his Arkansas teammate Felix Jones. While he didn't get the recognition or playing time as McFadden, he is in the best situation as the change of pace back to Marion the Barbarian in Big D. He'll steal a lot of touches from Barber (which doesn't mean much as Barber is a TD machine) and Jerry Jones will want to see his first round pick in the game as much as possible.

Forte and Smith are also in interesting situations with Chicago and Detroit respectively (having little to no competition for starting roles), but they were beaten into the ground in college and it is yet to be seen whether they will hold up to the constant beatings they will get from playing in the brutal, defense-rich NFC Central.

4. Who is the darkhorse, sexy sleeper pick this season?

Last year, it was my woeful Niners. Two years ago, it was the Dolphins. Every year this millenium, it was the Arizona Cardinals. This year? ESPN picked the Texans and for good reason. 8-8 last year, second year for the Schaub/Johnson connection and one of the best young defenses in the NFL. I happen to disagree because I see ABSOLUTELY NO CONSISTANCY IN THE RUNNING GAME. Ahman Green? Steve Slaton? Marcel Shipp? Hey, while we're at it, let's bring back Wali Lundy or Ron Dayne. How about Curtis Enis? Rashaan Salaam needs work. I'm pretty sure Barry Word or Bam Morris would come out of retirement if Gary Kubiak asked politely. The point is, regardless of how great your defense and passing game are, you need some semblance of a running game to win in this league and I don't think Houston fits the bill.

My choice for sexy pick of the season? The Philadelphia Eagles.

I'm sensing crickets from the congregation. The Eagles, you say? You mean the same Eagles that was the odd man out in the NFC East last year? The same Eagles who currently have the most brittle QB in the NFL? The same Eagles who have a starting receiving corps of Greg Lewis, Hank Baskett and Cal Rook DeSean Jackson? Those Eagles?

That's right, those Eagles. To put it in other words: In Westbrook I Trust. You want to talk about someone who wins the perennial "Most underrated player of the NFL" award, it's Brian Westbrook. He runs, he catches, he scores TD's, he blocked, he saves babies from burning buildings and feeds cheesesteaks to the homeless of Philadelphia. The man is a monster between the tackles and damages egos/ankles on the perimeter. He's a one man wrecking crew for a team that only has one weapon. They are going to rely on him more than ever this season and I feel Westbrook, along with McNabb and their quality O-Line, will rise up to the challenge.

Some may think it's boring and you would be right. This is a team that, for the past decade, has been incredibly successful. That being said, they are also a team that has annually been given little to no respect because of underachieving in the playoffs and constant injuries to key players. This year will be different and you heard it here first.

Now that I've answered a few questions, on to the season and playoff predictions (playoff seed in parentheses):

AFC East - New England (#1), New York Jets (#6), Buffalo, Miami
AFC North - Cleveland (#4), Pittsburgh, Baltimore, Cincinnati
AFC South - Indianapolis (#2), Jacksonville (#5), Houston, Tennessee
AFC West - San Diego (#3), Denver, Oakland, Kansas City

NFC East - Dallas (#1), New York (#5), Philadelphia (#6), Washington
NFC North - Minnesota (#4), Green Bay, Detroit, Chicago
NFC South - New Orleans (#3), Tampa Bay, Carolina, Atlanta
NFC West - Seattle (#2), Arizona, San Francisco, St. Louis

AFC Wild Card - San Diego over New York, Jacksonville over Cleveland
AFC Divisional - New England over Jacksonville, San Diego over Indianapolis
AFC Championship - New England over San Diego

(Look familiar, it should. I don't see this changing very much, sorry if it's not original but if you're honest with yourself, anything else would be childish)

NFC Wild Card - Philadelphia over New Orleans, New York over Minnesota
NFC Divisional - Dallas over Philadelphia, Seattle over New York
NFC Championship - Dallas over Seattle

SUPER BOWL XLIII: Dallas over New England

There you have it, I got the Dallas Cowboys (as much as I hate to admit it) as the Super Bowl champs for the 2008 NFL season. While it probably won't come to fruition, I feel that my odds of picking this right are as good as anyone else's. That being said, if this matchup does happen and New England loses, it will go a long way into the minds of the general public that maybe, JUST maybe, there is some truth into the Spygate, Belichick-can't-win-without-cheating argument.

Knowing my luck, we'll get a Cleveland-Minnesota Super Bowl and the national media will swan dive into a vat of hydrochloric acid.

That's all for now. Come back late Thursday night, as I will be keeping a running diary for NFL Kickoff 2008 (yes, the running diary is en vogue, but I've always wanted to do one and now seems as good a time as any to do so).