Life on the Wildside: Random Musings and the Best of Week 2 in the NFL

By: NFL Correspondent Chris Kubak

Back once again, all my foes and friends, to speak with you about another week that was in the National Football League. I could spend valuable words and time rambling at the beginning here, but I’m not going to. Instead, to the highlights!

San Francisco 49ers at Seattle Seahawks: Patrick Willis was born a Ramblin’ Man

There were times in this game where the 49ers looked miserable, but by the same turn, there were moments in this game where they looked outstanding. Perhaps the highlight of the game, outside of their eventual victory, was watching Patrick Willis ramble his way 85 yards for a touchdown on a deflected Matt Hasselbeck pass that just happened to end up in his hands.

No disrespect to Willis, but ramble is the word that fits this scenario like a glove. His cuts weren’t pretty and he certainly was far from being the fastest man out there. However, he managed to find the one channel on the field and he rode it all the way to the end zone. If there is one thing that the past two weeks have shown us, it’s that the Seahawks offense has absolutely no clue how to play defense. First Roscoe Parrish, then Patrick Willis. At least Roscoe was fast.

Philadelphia Eagles at Dallas Cowboys: Felix Jones threads the needle

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist, much less a fan of the game, to see a final score of 41-37 and understand that there was almost no defense played in this thing. There wasn’t…just a lot of fundamental and spectacular offensive wizardry, filled with your fair share of highlights, lowlights, and controversy. Nobody made a kickoff return look any easier then Felix Jones did on Monday night, and I’m talking about perhaps in the history of football.

You can argue that one with me if you like. Jones busts through one hole in the middle of the field and finds himself with only one guy to beat: Eagles kicker David Akers, who is a fine player but not much of a tackler. After that, it’s a footrace against Quintin Demps and Jones left no doubts as to who has the better kick. Granted, none of this would have been possible without Jones’ quickness a’ foot because that hole doesn’t remain open for long.

Did anybody notice who the fastest man on the field was for that play? It was Cowboys 2nd year player Isaiah Stanbeck (Washington) who galloped his way down the field and caught up enough to help block for Jones…if Jones needed it. He didn’t.

Indianapolis Colts at Minnesota Vikings: Gonzalez to Wayne cause the Vikings some Pain

Call it luck, call it fate, call it a touch of brashness or a lack of common sense. However you look at it, Anthony Gonzalez left no doubts in the minds of all those who saw the Colts-Vikings game that he can and will be an integral part of this Colts offense. Playing perhaps the best game of his professional career, Gonzalez provided the turning point in their maddening and surprising comeback victory over the horned-helmet warriors of the Great White North.

I’m sure The Commish will tell you that he expected no less out of the 2nd year receiver, since his alliances are firmly entrenched amongst the legions of Ohio State fans that grace this great land of ours. Just don’t mention the OSU-USC game to him…ever…seriously (he may eat your first born). Don’t look at me: I’m a UC Santa Cruz and UPenn fan. Go Banana Slugs and Quakers!

(The Commish's note: Eating the first born is much too cliché…maybe the second or the family dog, but definitely not the first born)

Back on point, the Colts needed a major momentum swing in order to even compete in this game and they got it from Gonzalez, who not only made a nice catch but made a very nice cut to bring the ball back towards midfield. Whether or not he really saw Reggie Wayne standing there or if he just recognized the colors on the jersey, he made the bold and somewhat incomprehensible decision to chuck up a lateral as he was being dragged down from behind. Eight times out of ten this play fails and Gonzalez is labeled the goat. It just happens to work this time, setting up Indy for the score and getting them back on track as well as helping to establish Gonzalez as a household name. It doesn’t matter that they didn’t score on the play; all that matters is that Gonzalez managed to pour figurative ice water down the pants of the Colts offense.

San Diego Chargers at Denver Broncos: Darren Sproles Part 1: Take the Express Lane

Whereas Felix Jones had the easy route to the end zone, Darren Sproles took the toll road and the Broncos almost made him pay. Ah but almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades, my friends. Barreling headfirst into a fevered Denver special teams, Sproles managed to evade man after man, tackle after tackle, until he looked around and saw that he was alone with 43 yards left to the end zone. I replayed the tape of this play about six times and that was the number of near tackles that Sproles managed to avoid en route.

San Diego Chargers at Denver Broncos: Darren Sproles Part 2: Go Speed Racer Go

All I can say is that Darren Sproles is a fast, fast man. 66 yards on a screen pass for six, on a play that was almost looked broken for a moment there. Despite all that would happen with the outcome of the game, Sproles rewarded the Chargers good faith in him when they opted not to resign Michael Turner in the off season. All I can say is that I wish I was that fast, but its not going to happen.

New York Giants at St. Louis Rams: Torry Holt thinks fast

Not much has gone the Rams way at all this year, as their two blowout losses this will testify. It’s not all their fault though; they’ve been playing hard and with heart. When you’re basically starting a backup offensive line who doesn’t give Marc Bulger any time to throw, the scoring is going to suffer. Combine that with a secondary that just isn’t any good and you’re in big trouble.

The highlight of their season to date came on about the only opportunity where Bulger had time and he took advantage of it, heaving one up towards the end zone. When it bounced off the hands of Giants S Kenny Phillips, most out there thought that the play was dead. Almost no one expected Torry Holt to reach out and grab it one-handed just before the ball hit the ground with the 210 pound safety on top of him. Holt is still a good receiver, if a bit forgotten over the past few years. Some would say that it’s just Torry being Torry. I say well done.

Oakland Raiders at Kansas City Chiefs: Bowe and Hall Play Hot Potato

Let’s face it, this game looked awful on paper but ultimately turned out to be a decent game to watch, at least for fans of one team. While Raiders nation rejoiced, Chiefs fans have just about nothing to cheer for. Sure, they have some quality players in guys like Tony Gonzalez but for the most part, this is a team that looks beat the minute they took the field. Their one highlight came on Dwayne Bowe’s spectacular juggled catch, where he bobbled the ball three times whilst fighting off DeAngelo Hall while both were in mid-flight. A fine play from a team where fine plays are going to be few and far between this year.

Other things to consider for this week, including the inception of our first weekly award:

The Slippin’ On Nuts Award

Last week this was awarded to the Raiders for all the troubles their secondary had against the Broncos’ Tony Scheffler. This week it goes to Lions CB Brian Kelly, whom Packers WR Greg Jennings made look absolutely foolish! I mean, it would be one thing if Kelly was a 1st or 2nd year player, but he’s in his 11th season! Just a little cut and Kelly was down for the count, a la shades of Gerald Ford. What Jennings did would be, in basketball terminology, referred to as "break his ankles." Well consider them broke.

Maurice Jones-Drew may or may not be evil

Did anybody see that one hit the Bills laid on Jones-Drew? The one where his helmet did a complete 180 while still on his head? Somebody please call a priest.

Best announcer quotes of the week

"How about Chris Chambers absolutely beating Champ Bailey like a rented mule!"
- After Chambers 1st TD against the Broncos

"If you’re going to come after the gray bear, you better make sure you get him!"
- Advice for defense on QB Kurt Warner

That’s all for this week. Happy Wednesday to all, even the rented mules.